For the first time in over 30 years, I have returned to the motherland, South Korea. My sister Jess and I visited our Imo, our mother’s older sister. Since our mom has passed, Imo is the last link to the Korean side of the family. We haven’t seen her since we were kids. A week-long visit was in order to reconnect.

Caught between two worlds

Growing up, I always felt caught between two worlds. My mother was Korean, and my father was a white man.

My first language was Korean: Dad would work during the day, and Omma would stay home to take care of me. Naturally, my first conversations were in Korean. I spoke it fluently until preschool, where I didn’t know how to communicate with my English-speaking classmates.

Through childhood, being bi-racial felt like a cultural tug-of-war. In Omma’s Korean circles, I looked more like “the other side.” At school, my blond-haired, blue-eyed counterparts would say that I looked “Chinese” and “not American,” vocalizing tonal sounds to mock the language I grew up with. In the rural suburbs of Virginia, anyone who didn’t fit the “standard American” image was considered unclean, weird, or even dangerous. As I grew older, I became self-conscious of my Korean background. In addition, my mother and I always had a fractious relationship, which sadly made it harder to connect with her. Eventually, I stopped speaking Korean.

It was like that then—and still is today

At first, going to South Korea felt heavy. A few weeks before our visit, ICE agents arrested hundreds of immigrants, mostly Koreans, at a Hyundai plant without any diplomatic notice. The Supreme Court also ruled out that ICE can arrest anyone who has a darker skin tone or speaks a language that isn’t English, especially if they speak Spanish. They’ve even started detaining Black U.S. citizens.

As shown above, anti-immigrant hate is nothing new. It’s a shame, because these attitudes often disconnect us from our cultures, as we do our best to assimilate. It always felt like I had to pick one side over the other. Since we were children at the time, we strove to be products of our environment, because our social survival depended on it. But as a result, the Korean side of me has felt fractured for most of my life.

It’s never too late to reconnect

Immigrants and minorities were often feared…and for what? All they want to do is live in peace with their families and connect with communities. Immigrants are beloved and valued in society, because they introduce new cuisines, customs, and perspectives that we can all learn from. Also, living with immigrants can show you to be kind to all kinds, especially when they look differently from you. Anyone who thinks otherwise is really missing out.

Over time, I learned that no one can take our cultural roots away from us. So, this trip to South Korea was kind of like a pilgrimage to reconcile our racial identity and find the missing pieces. It’s been healing in a way, especially with seeing our Imo.

Using the Korean language

My sister and I mostly stayed in Incheon, where our Imo lives. Here in Incheon, it helps to know some basic Korean. What I had forgotten has come back faster than I expected! I still know enough to get by, such as asking for directions, ordering food, and expressing my likes and dislikes. I can read simple sentences. However, I certainly understand far more than what I can express in this language. Using Korean in the motherland was healing there, too—especially when the locals validated me. All is not lost!

Most Koreans don’t speak English; maybe about 20% know some. Knowing a little bit of Korean can go a long way.

Our aunt, Imo

Oh, Imo. “Imo” means “aunt” in Korean. She has dementia and has been under the care of a nursing home for quite some time now. Jess and I hadn’t seen her since we were kids, so we didn’t know if she would recognize us.

We walked into the room, and Imo looked up, confused. Then her eyes lit up with a small smile.

She squeezed our hands, and the three of us were together again in quiet joy.

Through the week, we did errands with her. It can be hard for Imo to talk, and she only speaks Korean. She also needs assistance in getting around places. With an assistant’s help, we were able to help her stuff done.

Imo asked if she could buy us lunch, although she had already eaten. Instead of “How are you?”, you might hear, “Have you eaten?” That’s because food is a love language in Korean families.

After doing the errands together, it took a lot out of Imo. She lay down for a nap, and it was time for Jess and I to go off on our own before we visit her again the next day.

Seeing Imo was healing, like I’m picking up some of these lost pieces. Even though she has daily challenges, the connection was still there after all these years. Since she’s the last link of our Korean family, this has made our visit to the motherland even more special.

Connecting further with my Korean roots

When I wasn’t visiting Imo, I wanted to further connect with my Korean roots. Jess ended up going back home earlier than me, so I got to explore Seoul on my own a little bit.

But first, look at this transit pass! It’s pink with a cute character and holographic foil. I bought this from a convenience store at the airport. But sometimes it wouldn’t reload in the subway kiosks. If I had to buy another transit pass, the T-Money card would be better, since it’s more flexible and takes you further.

I ended up spending quite a bit on transportation through the week. When you’re taking the subway all day long, those costs add up. Fortunately, at the end of your trip, you can go back to a convenience store and ask for a cash refund from whatever is left over on your card.

My obsession with norigae tassels

Not only did I grow up eating comforting Korean food that Omma made, in our home there were beautiful pieces of black-lacquered furniture with intricate inlaid designs of iridescent abalone shells. Colorful norigae tassels hung on cabinet knobs, doors, and walls. Depending on what shape they featured, each kind of norigae offered a different kind of fortune:

• Butterfly: Symbolizes good luck and longevity, and a life filled with happiness.
• Coin Pouch: Symbolizes to bring the wearer prosperity and riches.
• Gochu (Chili Pepper): Bringing hope to bear many sons or to ward off bad spirits with its spice. It turns out that the “gochu” is a phallic symbol and is modern slang for “penis.”

We grew up with many gochu norigaes in the house. Since our mom had two daughters, she probably thought that the chili pepper was just an important part of Korean cuisine. And those spicy chili peppers would still keep bad forces at bay. Personally, I choose to believe that Koreans just really like peppers, as evidenced in their food and their “spicy” and passionate temperament (known as “han”).

In the underground markets of Myeongdong, there were stores galore selling norigae of all shapes, sizes, and colors. While the bustling open-air shopping district pulsed during the day, the market below was a hidden respite with handicraft shops and cooler air. I bought a handful of those colorful tassels to bring back home and to give out as gifts to friends.

Photoshoot in a hanbok

Another special thing I did in Seoul was rent a hanbok, a traditional Korean dress, and have a photoshoot at Gyeongbokgung Palace. It was the perfect way to lean into my Korean roots here as well.

The last time I wore a hanbok was during my childhood. For my first birthday, my Omma put me in a rainbow hanbok and threw a doljanchi to celebrate it. Back then, infant mortality was quite high in Korea. So, when a baby made it to their first hundred days and eventually their first year, it was a big deal. Practiced since the Joseon period, the family would have a huge celebration for the baby, offering food and rituals. The baby would pick up an object that would predict their future. I don’t know what object I picked up. But wasn’t I cute?

Gyeongbokgung Palace was built in the year 1395 as the first royal palace of the Joseon Dynasty. It’s where the first modern script, Hangul, was invented. Over the centuries, parts of the palace have been destroyed and reconstructed from fires, wars, and even Japan’s colonization in 1910. Since then, there have been efforts to reconstruct more buildings and preserve the cultural site.

It rained during the day of the photoshoot, but the setting was still gorgeous. People still looked great in their finest hanboks. I even had my hair styled! If you’re going to Gyeongbokgung Palace, consider renting a hanbok and walking around like royalty. Doing so gives you free admission to the palace grounds. It’s rather budget-friendly, although the photoshoot was extra (I paid $100). You get a couple of hours to walk around as you please.

National Folk Museum of Korea

Afterwards, I went to the National Folk Museum of Korea to further understand how Koreans lived in the past and present. It shows exhibits and artifacts of rites of passage during a person’s life, and how the Japanese tried to destroy Korean culture (yet it prevailed), as well as detailing why education has been so important for citizens. These days, as South Korea modernizes, it has been taking on more Western influences. This museum preserves knowledge of how the traditional way of life has been like, while offering modern exhibits as well.

Walking in Bukchon Hanok Village

Close to the Gyeongbokgung Palace is the Bukchon Hanok Village. I spent hours walking through the labyrinth neighborhood of traditional Korean homes. Some buildings are shops, tea houses, and restaurants to peruse, and many others are private homes. If you’re visiting, try to talk in quieter voices as to not disturb the residents. The hills are quite steep, so bring good walking shoes!

The Markets in Seoul

There are three popular markets that I went to: Myeongdong, Namdaemun, and Gwangjang. Of the three, Gwangjang was my favorite. This sprawling market has several departments, such as an extensive food court offering Korean street food, souvenirs, more norigae, colorful fabrics to make custom hanboks, bedsheets, and more.

You can wander for hours among the shops. It was the perfect opportunity to flex my Korean skills, which tickled the shop owners. I ordered and bought things entirely in Korean. They would smile and tell me I speak pretty well. I consider that a win!

Going back home

A week really wasn’t enough time in South Korea. Still, Jess and I did what we needed to do, which was to see Imo. I can’t speak for Jess, but I thought this was a good start to healing what had been lost.

In the Incheon International Airport, there’s a small cultural center showcasing traditional Korean arts and crafts. The center offers workshops and programs for visitors, such as making small purses, paper jewelry boxes, and paper fans. There’s a gift shop and even a photobooth where people could try on a hanbok and take pics. It was one last taste of Korea before I departed.

Final thoughts of reconnecting with these Korean roots

South Korea has fought hard to get to where it is today. Now, “K-products” are in vogue. While no one seemed to know Korea’s existence while growing up, K-pop, K-beauty, and K-dramas are now considered a premium label. This recognition is well-deserved, and I’m glad that Korea is finally getting its moment in the spotlight. For example, K-Pop Demon Hunters is a world-renowned animation about three K-Pop singers fighting underworld demons to save the world and seal the Honmoon. The entire soundtrack is a banger, belting out upbeat lyrics about finding oneself and reconciling the shadow parts. Hit songs were blasting throughout Seoul, and apparently, the world.

I just hope that Korean culture more than just a trend, because we’re here to stay.

And as for me, no one can take away the missing pieces that I’ve picked up. It’s going to be a long road, and I have the rest of my life to reconnect with these lost parts now.