Month: September 2023

The 2023 Burning Man 50k Ultramarathon

Photo by Abi Bell

Years ago in my twenties, I had heard of a Burning Man 50k ultramarathon. I thought that whoever runs that distance in the desert has got to be insane, where the alkaline environment is so harsh that absolutely nothing grows. It’s where temperatures can exceed 100 degrees while dust storms obscure everything around you. It’s like running an ultra on another planet.

Pink Lightning is an action-packed camp that graciously hosted this beloved 50k. The camp also offered events such as a 5k race, yoga, an art safari night ride, and something called “The Odyssey”—a strange event on the playa where participants compete to finish 6, 12, 18, or 24 miles, beers, doughnuts, or orgasms in any combination within 24 hours. Things you need a lot of stamina for.

Earlier this year, I wasn’t sure if I could secure a ticket to Burning Man. It can be notoriously hard to get one because of how popular it is. Even though the odds looked a little slim—yet hopeful—I still trained for this race anyway. Can you imagine sacrificing your social life and other things you enjoy, just to train for an epic race that you don’t even know if you’ll get to be able to run in?

But still I dutifully finished most of the workouts, and always completed the Saturday long runs, the most important part. I trained among the lush forests in the mild climate in hilly, sea-level Seattle—a sharp contrast to the extremely dry, hot, and dusty alkaline lake bed at a nearly 4,000-foot elevation in Nevada.

As the event grew closer, so did my odds of getting a Burning Man ticket. Once my dear friend Shawn found one for me (thank you so much, Shawn!), I could now register for the race. It was official—I was going to run 50k in the desert! My training wasn’t going to waste after all.

Never had I ever imagined that I would toe the line with hundreds of other ultramarathoners in this very same race.

The Burning Man 50k Ultramarathon Course

The Burning Man 50K course map

Burning Man sits in an area of seven square miles. It’s so vast that an entire race course can be created. It is as follows:

  1. Starting at Pink Lightning Camp at 7:35 & D, we would run until the 8:00 street and turn right.
  2. We ran until reaching the Esplanade and turned left to run along that.
  3. When we reached the 10:00 side of the city, we kept running until getting to the trash fence, the very edge of Burning Man.
  4. We ran along the trash fence reaching each pink lightning bolt checkpoint.
  5. We kept going until a third pink lightning bolt pointed us back to the 2:00 side.
  6. We went along the 2:00 side, until hitting the esplanade once again.
  7. We ran along the curve of the esplanade until the 7:30 street.
  8. We turned left onto 7:30 until reaching D street, and kept running until the lap checkpoint at the 7:45 point, where Pink Lightning was.

That was one 7.5 mile lap. We would repeat the same route three more times.

The last part was an out-and-back at 9:10 & Esplanade to complete the 31 miles. That was about a mile or so.

The beginning of the long, epic ultramarathon

At the starting line of the Burning Man 50k ultramarathon

You have to be a little crazy to voluntarily wake up around 3:30 a.m. to run 31 miles in the desert just for fun. 

Waking up, I couldn’t believe I was about to do the Burning Man 50k ultra. I ate a bowl of oatmeal with vegan protein powder. After filling up my hydration pack, I headed to Pink Lightning.

Cheers and excitement filled the air. Standing at the starting line, I was one of the 350 runners. I didn’t know this race was so popular. At least we could all revel in doing something amazing. We get to test our limits and be in this together.

The race started at 5:00 a.m., so that we could enjoy the darkness and cooler temperatures before the sun cooked us. We wore lights so that art cars and bicyclists could see us.

The starting signal went off. And like a stampede, hundreds of us were let out from the starting line, the first steps to this epic journey of the Burning Man 50k.

All fun and games during the first lap

A person on the side lines extends his hand to offer a high-five.

So far, running on the flat desert lake bed felt much easier than the hills of Seattle. Even before the sun came up, many folks stopped to cheer us on along the trash fence in the deep playa. It was a good start.

The sunrise

As I reached the Esplanade, the sun broke the horizon in the East and slowly climbed higher into the sky. I remembered how running with the sunrise was once a favorite pastime, as the city woke up and early birds brewed their coffee. Here, the night owls who partied all night on the playa were now making their way back to their camps, confused as to why so many people were running this early.

A little after an hour, I hit the first lap checkpoint at the camp and loaded up on snacks, water, and electrolytes. It’s so important to replenish, especially on electrolytes, because water easily evaporates from your body in this extreme environment, even if you’re not running. The electrolytes help keep water in. The snacks obviously help fuel us, because we burn calories so fast out there.

It’s perfectly acceptable to take a piano break.

The Playa provides

Usually we Burners operate on the principle of Radical Self-Reliance. And most of us do take care of ourselves, bringing everything we need, plus more to share. That’s because another principle is Gifting.

Fresh fruit can go a long way

Throughout the race course, there was no shortage of “Playa Angels,” people who set up tables offering food, drinks, water, and plenty of cheers to go around. Some even ventured all the way out to the deep playa and made sure we were taken care of! I was blown away by their generosity. They gave me so much water during the race, that I didn’t even finish what was in my hydration pack. There were plenty of vegan snacks–energy gels, fresh fruit, granola bars galore–so I had enough calories to keep going.

Aside from the previous snacks, there were no shortage of cheers, creativity, and encouragement as we made our way along the journey.

I was just ending the second lap and crossed the timing mat into my third. Now I was halfway through the race at mile 15.

Navigating through white-out dust storms

For the second half of the race, the wind and dust picked up. A dust storm was incoming in the distance. This is why we wore scarves, so that we can mask up.

My scarf helped keep the dust out of my nose

Soon we were racing inside the dust storm, where the visibility reduced to 15 feet! I could still see my hand in front of me, but the dust obscured all of the signs. Many of us runners couldn’t see where to go. A storm like this can be quite disorienting. Some of us, myself included, got lost on the course.

“It’s this way!” someone shouted.

It cleared just enough for a minute. I had veered at least a couple hundred feet off the course. I was so glad that someone said something, because I would have kept going!

After struggling to find the path, I just followed another runner who seemed to know where he was going. But the dust storm was a white-out, even blocking the midday sun. We blindly followed what we hoped was the right direction.

I was relieved when I saw the pink lightning bolt at the trash fence.

Is there anybody out there…?

Aside from two other runners near me, the deep playa appeared desolate in the storm. There seemed to be no signs of life. My energy was waning. All I could do was keep going without thinking much, one foot in front of the other, as my sock slowly slid off in my right shoe.

Point 3 was the deepest part of the deep playa.

When the going gets tough, the playa angels get going

The buffer pit stop

In the emptiest part of the playa, a crew of what looked like roadside workers with fluorescent yellow vests appeared in the dust. They cheered and hollered, holding car buffers and massage guns. It was literally a pit stop to massage tired runners. They pulled me aside and asked what I would like.

“Legs and back, please!” I said.

This was top-notch service.

The crew went to work massaging my tired, stiff legs and my back, which has been supporting me this entire time. This was probably the best and most hilarious gift ever for a runner! I loved the idea and it was very useful to anyone who needs a pit stop like that.

After they sent me on my way, there was no choice but to power through the dust storms. The strong headwinds along the trash fence worked against me as I pushed through. The good thing was that it wasn’t blazing hot like I had expected. In fact, the temperatures were perfect: it didn’t go above 83 degrees, which is almost unheard of during the last week of August. At least the dust cools the air and offers some protection from the sun.

This playa angel offered coconut water, a desert treat.

Another group of wonderful playa angels had an endless amount of coconut water, a wonderful treat during the hardest parts of the race. They were so amazing; they kept handing me more and more of those sweet natural electrolytes. I had as much as I could before setting off again.

Pushing forward along the Esplanade, I remembered that there was one more lap after this one. I sighed and kept going, knowing that I would eventually be done.

I made it through the camp checkpoint, finishing the third lap. Some runners had already finished the race.

The descent into the darkness

The fourth and final lap felt like the loneliest part of the ultramarathon. Whatever energy I had left was draining fast. 

My entire consciousness had down-shifted within the dark recesses of my being. This was the part where I questioned my life’s choices. Why did I choose to do an ultramarathon yet again? What for? Why did I invest so much time and energy into something like this, just to feel miserable at mile 22 in the desert? 

Finding the “why” is the most important answer every marathoner must remind themselves with, because the desert gives plenty of reasons why not. 

All I could do was take one step at a time. The dust storm still made it hard to see. Discomfort permeated my existence, and I could not focus on anything past my own body. But sometimes we have to sit with discomfort and see what is on the other side.

Someone handed me lemonade from his booth.

“You look tired. Would you like to take a seat?” he asked. 

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I can’t.”

It was tempting. How badly I would have loved to stop and take a break. But if I had sat down during this part of the race, I would have never gotten back up.

I turned down food at this point. The cheers from the sidelines reduced to underwater-like muffles in my fractured consciousness, my focus channeling only to what’s in front of me.

Finding playa magic in the worst of times

During a race, I’ve heard of runners “syncing up,” or running together as a pack even if they’re strangers. I usually run in my own world, so staying closely with another participant hasn’t happened recently.

In the deep playa on the last lap, there was a woman nearby who I thought could be a good pacer for this last part of the race. My pace had slowed down since the start, and it helped to have a little more support.

Pickles and me

We ran along the trash fence. Sometimes I would pass her. Sometimes she passed me. Occasionally I would look for her in the corner of my eye, wondering if she was still close by. She was always a few feet away: either ahead, behind, or near my side.

We barely spoke to each other, but our little bond spoke louder than words. Both of us focused on the path ahead, desperately eager to finish the last part of the race.

We crossed under the pink lightning bolts in the lonely deep playa, one after another, and continued along the curving Esplanade. The camp checkpoint seemed so far away, despite how much closer we were getting.

The dust storm settled a little. With patience, we followed the path back to Pink Lightning, until finally, we finished the last lap. But it wasn’t over. 

We stopped for a quick water break (we were dying!) and waited for each other. There was still one more mile to go.

“You ready?” she asked after her last sip.

“Yeah,” I said. “Let’s do this.”

Together, we took off for the very last part of the race: the mile-long out-and-back to a turnaround point on the Esplanade and 9:10.

When we reached the last pink lightning bolt, we touched it. This was it–this was the last checkpoint! We turned around to run back to the camp: the finish line.

Once we turned back on D street, we picked up the pace slightly, knowing we were so close to the finish. We ran faster and faster—we could see it in the distance!

The finish line

The cheers grew louder and clearer. Runners who had already finished screamed encouragement as we both ran between the twin pink lightning bolts at the finish line. I don’t remember who crossed it first. 

Relief washed over me as a volunteer put a wooden finisher’s medal with a pink fluorescent ribbon around my neck. Endorphins flooded my brain, the polar opposite of the terrible feelings in the last lap.

I turned to my runner friend and hugged her tight. 

“Thank you so much for staying with me!” I said. “That was a huge support.”

“Oh no, thank YOU!” she said. “I would’ve had a tougher time without you.”

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Pickles.”

“Pickles! I’m Tokki. Great job on the race! We made it!”

We hugged again before setting off our separate ways. 

This is “playa magic.” Sometimes little glimmers or miracles happen when you least expect them. This was such a special moment: the unspoken bond of two strangers supporting each other in need. Earlier, I questioned why I keep running marathons and putting myself through unnecessary pain that makes me forget everything good in life. This playa magic reminds me why.

Sometimes little glimmers or miracles happen when you least expect them. This was such a special moment: the unspoken bond of two strangers supporting each other in need.

Pickles, if you ever read this, thank you for being so rad and supportive during the last part of this ultramarathon. I hope life treats you well and that good things always come your way.

Aftercare for the Burning Man 50k

These nachos were five-star.

Running 31 miles in the desert is no joke! Despite the plethora of calories I consumed along the course, I still burned off all of my energy and needed to replenish it. The good people at Pink Lightning Camp served up baskets of nachos. I got a vegan version with sides of refried beans, red and green salsa, and extra guacamole. All of those carbs, fat, and protein were just what my tired body needed. It was five-star!

“Fucking A!” I shouted as I sat in a chair with my nachos. 

I just had to sit down.

My legs were stiff. My lower back hurt from supporting me for 50 kilometers. Endorphins and other dopey neurotransmitters inundated my brain, as I was struggling to keep myself up. I looked at the intricately cut finisher’s medal, how the pink, laser-cut wooden layers were put together. This race crew put a lot of love into it.

I looked around, eating my nachos piece by piece. Slowly my consciousness replenished enough so that I could eventually stand up. 

With the finisher’s medal around my neck, I slowly walked back to my camp. I smiled at random people as they congratulated me. I’ve run many marathons before, but something like finishing an ultramarathon in the desert gave me an enormous sense of gratitude and pride. It showed that I can do hard things and come out on the other side with others in solidarity. If twenty-something me could see what her future self could do, her mind would be blown.

Victory at the finish line

It’s been a month now. I haven’t run since that race, and that’s okay. The itch to run will come back soon. There will be more races in the future, with more magical moments and connections to create. There will be more chances to push through the hardest parts and overcome them. For now, I am slowing down and enjoying the changing seasons, as the summer chapter has closed, slowly giving way to winter.

Burning Man 2023: Animalia

The Man at night

If you haven’t heard of Burning Man, it’s an eccentric art gathering in the Black Rock Desert in Nevada. Every summer, a team of artists, engineers, city planners, and workers build an ephemeral city of about 75,000 people that lasts over a week before it’s taken down again without a trace. It’s a celebration of freaks, weirdos, and creatives that provides a sense of belonging. 

Bendy Bonnie knows how to radically express herself.

The spirit of Burning Man is held together by the 10 Principles, a set of commonly understood values reflected in the experience. Instead of using money, we offer gifts to each other and expect nothing in return. We radically express our creativity, unique gifts that come from the individual to make a collective whole. We actively break down barriers within ourselves to make this collective whole through immediacy and participation in this wonderful, weird society.

There were a lot of animal-themed projects this year, like this dragonfly art car.

It has been eight years since I’ve been to the main Burning Man event. The last regional Burn I’ve attended was AfrikaBurn in 2017. It’s been so long, and returning to the dusty desert, known as the playa, was in order.

Animalia was the perfect opportunity to go, because this might be my last main Burning Man event for a while.

The Ephemeral Black Rock City

Burning Man sits on an alkaline lake bed in the Black Rock Desert. The city part of it is literally built like a grid-oriented city in the shape of a clock: from 2:00 to 10:00. You’ll find typical city amenities, such as:

  • A city center
  • A passport office (where you get a stamp from participating camps)
  • The Black Rock City public library
  • A working post office that delivers letters and postcards out to the default world!

The Man is the wooden effigy standing in the middle of the playa, where the hands of a clock would meet. This is how you can orient yourself when exploring the city or even the deep playa. The Temple rests in the 12 o’clock sector northeast from the Man. Anything beyond the Temple is considered the deep playa.

Year of the Rabbit for Animalia

It’s the Year of the Rabbit for the Lunar New Year, which is my year! 

Sometimes people go by a Burner name, a persona away from the default world. I never had a Burner name before, but this year the name “Tokki” felt just right. Tokki means “rabbit” in Korean. My mother used to call me that, since I’m vegan and eat “rabbit food.” Since I also fall under the Year of the Rabbit, it was appropriate.

Global Camp at Burning Man

At Burning Man, usually I stay with a theme camp. You can camp by yourself or a small group of friends; I’ve done that before. A theme camp offers so much more. In addition to amenities like a communal dinner and a full kitchen, you can make many friends from all over the world from your very own camp. You do need to help with camp duties, such as building the camp or cleaning it as the week goes on. It’s a collective effort here.

Global Camp, run by my dear friend Shawn (Salami), is an international-themed camp for Burners all around the world. The camp itself was like a hostel where Burners came from all over: Argentina, China, Ukraine, Morocco, Uruguay, and more. As a half-Korean who loves to travel, I felt right at home.

Highlights of Burning Man 2023: Animalia

I had three goals for Burning Man 2023:

  1. Quilting an epic space-goth dream coat and wearing it there;
  2. Letting go of a beloved painting that was considered a masterpiece at the time I created it, and;
  3. Running a 50k ultra marathon in the desert, which is 31 miles. Just for fun. Because I’m a little crazy sometimes.

The Temple

Set at the 12:00 sector of the playa, The Temple is a place where people leave behind mementos of loved ones who have passed, or even of chapters of their lives that have closed. You’ll see photos of the dearly departed, marriage licenses, elaborate memorials, and many keepsakes in their final resting place.

I left behind two things. One was photos of our beloved cat, Käse, who passed away just a week and a half before I left for the Burn. I left some of her fur that I brushed from her, and wrote how she has brightened our lives. Käse really was a special kitty–literally the best cat. She always made you feel like the most important person in the room. She and my partner have changed my life in ways I’ve never imagined. Thanks for showing us unconditional love, Käse. We’ll always remember your sandpaper kisses, reassuring head-butts, calming purrs, and warm cuddles. 

“Consumed: Anorexia and the Endless Neurotic Storm” was a masterpiece I had created at age 23.

The other thing I left was my painting titled, “Consumed: Anorexia and the Endless Neurotic Storm.” 

The summer before I moved to Seattle at age 23, I painted what was then considered the masterpiece of my art career. At the time, my mental state was deeply fractured, and my future seemed bleak–if there even was a future at all. I captured all of my pain and anxiety, and created a fluorescent storm of dizzy stars, poison cupcakes, colorful ceramic skulls, rainbow lightning bolts from black storm clouds, and steampunk gears. How my manic-depressive mind operated at the time.

Over the years, I have tried to sell “Consumed.” But upon hearing the backstory, buyers would decline. It carried too much pain for one painting. It was a message that maybe this work of art no longer has a place in this world.

Now it was time to let it go.

I left “Consumed” at the Temple to burn at the end of the event, with everything else that others have left behind–the ceremonial cleansing of our collective grief. In a way, it feels cathartic. I’m glad I got to say goodbye to this painting that I’ve held onto for so long. Twenty-three-year-old me would have never envisioned a future where the pain is no longer central in my life. 

The Tea Hive

The Tea Hive was a small, Moroccan-inspired tea lounge that offered mint tea and art supplies to create whatever you want, as world trance music played. It was a serendipitous find. The host, Dot, was so gracious. The teepee-style tent was decorated with oriental rugs, lanterns, warm lights, and fake tropical plants, as we sat on cushions around short-legged wooden tables. The relaxed vibe allowed me to tap into my creativity a little as I drew in my sketchbook. Striking up conversations with tea and art was what I needed at the moment. It was pure magic.

Teahive was one of my favorites! The larger theme camps are attention-grabbing for sure, luring you in with neon signs and rainbow LED lights. While they’re fun, it’s also worth checking out the smaller camps that are right under your nose. You’ll never know what you’ll find, whether it’s a new friend or artistic inspiration that you crave.

The Black Rock Philharmonics Orchestra

At the Tower of Babel, a full orchestra called the Black Rock Philharmonics played popular classical pieces. Playing next to the dark, dream-like tower completed the setting, as we gathered around to watch. Pretty much the whole city came to see them, as this was a special treat that is different from the usual bass-thumping techno that blasts in the air. Engaging and dynamic, this ensemble played pieces from the classical Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture to the modern Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. It was impressive watching the whole orchestra play as the dust storm picked up.

The Burning Man 50K Ultramarathon

Years ago in my twenties, I had heard of this marathon. I thought that these runners have got to be some of the craziest people to walk the face of the earth. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I would be toeing the starting line with them one day. 

Spoiler alert: I finished running every single one of those 50 kilometers. I will write an entire blog post about this unforgettable experience, because it deserves its own post.

The Art at Burning Man 2023

Burning Man is like a live creative museum where you can fully interact with the art. In an actual museum, you cannot touch anything. But here in Black Rock City, you are actively encouraged to touch and play with the art. You can climb on it and see sweeping views of the whole city and beyond. 

Every year, it’s amazing how people come up with these art installations at Burning Man. From a flaming aluminum octopus to an LED-lit willow tree, a lot of these works of art are a feat of engineering as well. One of my favorite things to do at Burning Man is cruise around the playa on my bike and visit these works.

Work by Olivia Steele

I’ve been following Olivia Steele’s internationally renowned work for a while. She’s an artist best known for her life messages in neon signs. I’ve seen her work in South Africa and London. Every time I see her art, it’s like a mirror is reflecting parts of my shadow self back at me, the parts I need to keep working through to live up to my full potential. Her messages are real and raw, and even kind of confrontational, intriguing the viewer look within themselves in the moment.

Elder Mother

The Elder Mother was probably my favorite installation. Swaying on the open playa, a willow-like tree hypnotizes you with shifting rainbow cube lights from its many tendrils. Music lures you in, a shared language that brings us together. The piece is inspired by a Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale, where a boy dreams of an elder tree growing out of a teapot full of elderberry tea. On top of the elder tree, an elderly woman sits and talks to him, she whisks him off on an adventure of her own memories and experiences. Sitting under this tree, you’re immersed in light and sound, as if you’re part of the story. I wasn’t brave enough to climb the steel trunk, but I certainly enjoyed lying under the tree, watching the colors change and relaxing into the music.

Mariposa

Mariposa was an enormous aluminum butterfly, powered by people riding a swing below. 38,000 color-changing LED lights cover the butterfly as classic pop music plays through the four speakers disguised as flower pots. It’s just as mesmerizing as The Elder Mother. Random dance parties often gathered around Mariposa as “Bohemian Rhapsody” and many other classics lured visitors in. I didn’t ride the swing, but it was fun watching others power the butterfly’s flapping wings with this kinetic sculpture.

El Pulpo Magnífico

The beloved aluminum El Pulpo Magnifico is an upgrade from its former scrap metal version. It’s a terrifying four-faced octopus that shoots flames from its eight tentacles and the top of its head. The bulging eyes and sharp teeth on all four faces move along with the limbs. Depending on who you ask, it’s what nightmares are made of. 

This impressive art car uses 200 gallons of propane every night. I sat under it once, and it got quite hot underneath! The entire sculpture is completely mechanical; there are no computers or hydraulics to make the parts move. Someone in my camp said he talked to one of the creators. Apparently, it took 12 hours a day to build El Pulpo for months. The crew also spends seven hours a day maintaining it as well. It truly is a labor of love.

1000 & 1

There are supposed to be two robots here: a metal robot and a wooden one. This only shows the metal robot wielding an ax, so half of the context is missing here. From other photos, the counterpart wooden robot was holding a metal wrench. They were facing and pointing at each other. At first glance, it was just a robot pointing towards the mountains, like it meant business. I was so sleep-deprived, that I don’t remember seeing the wooden robot, if it was even there. With that wooden version in mind, it makes me wonder if they’re intending to destroy each other with the weapons that would bring them down–or build each other up using those respective tools. 

Pyramid Anam Cara

Anam Cara is a cultural blend of an Aztec pyramid and topped with a Celtic Tree of Life. Many cultures around the world offer their own wisdom and perspectives on our very existence. Through these crossing paths and shared connections, we arrive at a center point in this shared unity of the universe’s beauty and consciousness. 

I walked up the steps to the top at night, surveying the whole city in the distance. I asked the guy next to me, “Isn’t this great?” He smiled and nodded enthusiastically. 

#Vagr

You couldn’t miss this giant pink tiger that was sitting at the 2:00 sector of the playa. “Vagr” means “tiger” in Armenian. Tigers are struggling through climate change, poaching, and habitat loss. This art serves as an educational tool for conservation of these magnificent beasts.

Immediately Vagr reminded me of Käse. She was, after all, a descendant of the ferocious ancestors that were lions and tigers.

Fuck Yer Burn!

It rained in Black Rock City, which made things interesting, to say the least. 

When the playa dust gets wet, it turns into mud like wet cement. It accumulates quickly onto shoes, so it feels like you’re carrying 10 extra pounds on each foot. You cannot bike or drive, because the mud will clog the bike gears and vehicles will get stuck. The gates closed; nobody was permitted to enter or leave in these conditions.

You can’t even tell where my boots end and the ground begins.

The rain was necessary, in part because it revealed to us our true colors.

The good people at “Hard As A Rock” camp took me in and made sure I was warm enough.

The media made it sound like we were helpless, like the debacle that was Fyre Festival. But two of the Burning Man principles are Radical Self-Reliance and Communal Effort. This meant pulling together our inner resources and making the most out of a shitty situation, while also banding together to support and look after each other. We Burners are resilient, taking care of ourselves while also sharing food, water, propane, and warm clothes with our neighbors.

For the first rainy night, I slept in my sopping-wet bedding in a puddle inside my yurt. It was 55 degrees outside. I wondered if I would catch pneumonia. But I took deep breaths, reminding myself that I get to be a part of this wonderful, weird community–where a lot of us are rough around the edges to begin with. All I could say was, “Right now it’s like this.”

Still, we told stories and jokes to distract ourselves. We slowed down and got to know each other. While we couldn’t really go far, we were still in good spirits. Our resident DJs continued playing techno sets while we looked out for each other.

All I could say was, ‘Right now it’s like this.’

As I trudged through the sticky mud carrying my bike, someone asked, “What’s one thing you’ll learn from this?” It’s a fair question when something like this puts Burning Man’s principles to the test. I’m looking forward to the hindsight on this one. We go to Burning Man to learn, and sometimes the lessons are hard.

Ronnie carries her bike in the playa mud.
I had to carry my bike for over a mile back to my camp.

“Fuck yer Burn!” another Burner shouted at me. 

“Fuck your Burn!” I shouted back.

“Fuck everyone’s Burn!” 

Usually this is a greeting or expression like “Merry Christmas.” It still applied, albeit in a rather colorful, humorous way. Our Burns were, in a way, fucked. “Fuck yer burn” means whatever you want it to, really. We throw it to each other in jest, because amid all of this “love and light,” someone has to slap some sharp humor into things.

Now there’s something you don’t see everyday.

At the end of it all, still we come out the other side. Eventually the rainy weekend will be a great story to tell. I didn’t stay for the Man burn, and that’s okay. The Man will always burn in the future. But this weekend will sear into my memory for years to come. If we want rainbows, we have to put up with the rain, as we confront our survival in these conditions. We’re all in this together.

If we want rainbows, we have to put up with the rain, as we confront our survival in these conditions.

Where to Go From Here

Burning Man 2023 really is for the books. Years from now, people will talk about this year’s burn. Mostly I see social media posts of gratitude, that people were able to go at all. Many welcomed the rain, because it showed us who we really are.

There will always be incredible stories coming from the playa. But after this Burn, I want to check out the smaller, regional ones. Since they’re smaller, they’re more intimate, the 10 Principles tightly woven in the fabric of the communities. They are worth visiting.

As of now, I have been slowly decompressing. It’s always a culture shock going back to the default world, after living a week in this beautiful social experiment. I’ve been feeling mildly depressed after coming back, which is common among Burners. It’s such a wonderful place to experience, and then it’s back to the usual grind. Still, I practice gratitude that I went and experienced what we were meant to.

But after every Burn, I always come back feeling inspired. I want to seize opportunities more. I want to strike up conversations with strangers (despite the ever-present Seattle freeze). The creativity there is contagious; it reminded me to keep this dream and identity alive. Burning Man always gives you life-changing lessons and inspiration to apply back in the default world, and I think that’s one of the greatest gifts of all.