The Second Month of 2018
Just in case you feel badly about yourself or your capabilities, remember that you circumnavigated the world on your own.
-My therapist
In the past month:
- My grandma died
- My temp job ended and it has been difficult securing another full time job.
- My relationship ended.
- I’ve had to come to terms with something traumatic that happened to me 3 years ago.
The present:
It could always be a lot worse. I know. Experience has shown that when things don’t work out, it’s often a push towards something better. I’m still sad from it all. I think these feelings must be worked through in order to move on.
The future:
I’m going to most likely encounter some estranged family members at my grandma’s birthday celebration in March, which I am apprehensive about. My therapist says I got this. Perhaps we can all have a fresh start.
What a start to the new year.
We are in the second month of 2018. If you made any resolutions, how are you holding up? What have you accomplished so far? What amazing stuff have you done already? If you’re like me, self-care would be your Number One priority, especially when shit has hit the fan.
I don’t really make New Year’s Resolutions anymore, despite having kept most of them. Many times, a lot of new habits for self-improvement kick in around the middle of the year. But now that I’m going through a difficult time, self-care while formulating an action plan is absolutely necessary.
The only resolution I made was to quit sugar for the entire month of January. (A friend brought up a very good point: do I mean just vegan desserts, or added sugar? Sugar is ubiquitous, occurring even in salad dressing and soy milk. In this case, I meant vegan sweets and desserts.) It’s not the first time I have quit consuming something. Several years back, I became 90% gluten-free for six months. I have to say that I never noticed a difference in mostly eliminating gluten from my diet. But giving up sugar has produced some subtle changes in my mood after about 6 weeks.
After January ended, I had a few desserts in the first 2 weeks of February. They made me feel a little bit sick, and there was that sugar hangover that hangs like a dark depressive cloud for days after. So, I decided it’s a good idea to eliminate sugar indefinitely. Maybe I’ll have a dessert once a month, but it’s clear that any more than that has adverse effects.
Somewhere I have read that it takes a minimum of 21 days to enforce a new habit, but I’m pretty sure that many people agree that it takes much longer than that. When I quit alcohol, it actually took months before the benefits of sobriety began to settle in.
As an aside, my brother from another mother and I have been 18 months sober now. Halfway through the year, we decided it was best that I stopped drinking, and he quit with me. This is the longest I have been without alcohol since 2010. What was once seen as a life sentence, we now embrace as a lifetime commitment.
I also have been getting back on track with meditation, drawing, and even journal writing. I still run, and really want to do a third marathon. (Right now I cannot justify the costs of the expensive race fees.) Even keeping my living space neat and tidy has been helpful. Self-care is my main priority now. Everything else falls into place after taking care of myself first. Then, my life will get back on track. In the meantime, I get to send my carefully crafted resume and cover letters out to potential employers.
In the past, I was fearful of being in between jobs and viewed romantic relationships that didn’t work out as a reflection of how I failed. But now I can see that some things just aren’t meant to be. Experience has shown that if something doesn’t work out or open up, then maybe it’s not your path. As for my grandmother, I am glad she had lived a long, fruitful, and blessed life. She was the sweetest lady and I miss her.
Take a deep breath…
You will get through this.