Month: May 2017

Vietnam, Part 3: Hanoi and Northern Vietnam

I arrived in Hanoi about a week ago and have been staying in the Old Quarter. A fellow traveler likened Hanoi to Saigon, and I have to disagree. The feel of the city is certainly milder than Saigon, and it’s easier to navigate.

One word of advice to new travelers: believing that everyone will speak English is a bit of a naive assumption to make. Many people do, but don’t always count on it. What has saved me is carrying around a notebook with basic phrases and words. A more seasoned traveler said, “oh, you’ll be fine! Practically everyone speaks English!” The key word there is “practically,” but still. I had enough sense to know otherwise.


I booked two tours during my stay in northern Vietnam. One was a Halong Bay cruise, and the other was trekking through Sapa. Although Halong Bay was beautiful, I wish we had more time for swimming and kayaking, because we spent more time on the cruise boat than anything.

Instead, I will elaborate more on the Sapa tour–it may well be my favorite part of Vietnam.

The area around Sapa is occupied by mostly the Hmong people, one of Vietnam’s minority groups. They took good care of us with their guidance and kindness as we trekked 12 km along the lush, emerald-green tiered rice paddies, conversing the entire way.

The traditional clothing for women and girls is made of hemp and comes in a spectrum of florescent colors. Shown here, the youngest one on the right calls herself Li, and she’s 14. She’s charming and easy-going, but sharp as a tack and misses nothing. Of all the women here, I connected with her the most.

It didn’t rain during our stay, but some parts were muddy and slippery anyway. The Hmong people have such impeccable balance, like an anchor. They made sure we were getting by safely, as some parts were a little questionable.

Getting a glimpse of rural life among the Hmong locals was fascinating. The locals use a minimal amount of electric machinery; most of the work done is manual.

For example, cutting the tea leaves involves manually cutting them with a large blade.

There’s also the weaving loom that’s used to make clothes out of hemp fiber. And every little stitch making those intricate patterns is done by hand.

There is a kind of stillness that being out in nature offers, a kind of nourishment to the soul that many people know and understand so well. I thought that Hoi An was my favorite part of Vietnam; it looks like Sapa takes the cake here. (Still much respect, Hoi An!)


My stay in Vietnam was a week longer than intended, if the reasons weren’t obvious. Tomorrow I leave for Laos. My visa has already been obtained, just in case there are any hiccups at the overland border. Stories of border officials wanting bribes for visas are rampant. Then again, they might make something up anyway. So much for getting a visa in advance.

I have been traveling for five weeks now. It seems like forever ago, when my anxieties swept over me about how the whole journey would be pulled off. And to tell you the truth, it’s not that bad at all. The journey is best taken one day at a time, while keeping in mind the bigger picture and plan. There are still some challenges. Sometimes I still get apprehensive on how to go about one place to the next, but as a friend reassured, “Don’t worry. Things have a way of working out in the end.”

Take a deep breath and enjoy the 24 hour bus ride to Laos.

Vietnam, Part 2: A Change of Pace in Hoi An

After departing the visceral energy of Saigon, my next destination was Hoi An. Hoi An is not to be confused with Hanoi; it’s a beautiful ancient town, pulsing with eloquence and charm.

Hoi An was an important trading port from the 15th through the 19th century, resulting in a fusion of Chinese, Japanese, Portuguese, French, and Dutch influences. Those influences are reflected in the architecture of the buildings. Beautiful lanterns in an array of colors dazzle the streets. Little canals run through the town. Flowers and plants cascade from buildings, and the breeze is clean and soft. While Saigon spins with energy of such dizzying heights, Hoi An is a change of pace, offering a calm and harmonious ambience. 

I took a train to Danang, and then a bus to Hoi An. It was a challenge, as I was navigating among a language I don’t understand. When I’m not sure what’s going on, my anxiety rises even though somewhere deep down I knew things were going to work out. One thing I’ve learned in traveling so far is that, while it’s always important to be aware, sometimes it’s okay to put trust in people who take you around, especially with public transportation that the locals use. And 20 hours later, I arrived in lovely Hoi An.

Hoi An originally wasn’t in my itinerary. But after a few travelers told me about it, I did some research and was sold. The Southeast Asia part of my world tour is a rough plan. Usually my plans for everything are settled and decided, so this is different. There is so much to do and choose around here, that I mostly left it open. I also don’t know what to expect, but I’m starting to grasp the culture and how to go about this region. 

In the past, I always had a plan for everything and backup plans just in case anything fell through. The sense of controlling every outcome is how I would cope with life. It has always felt safer, knowing what to expect. The thing is that exerting that much control eventually becomes exhausting. So, things start to slip. And then when it feels like I’m losing control, feelings of helplessness and emptiness grow. I’m learning that flexibility isn’t a bad thing. Being flexible doesn’t mean being indecisive. It can offer some sense of control, as it gives many more options if something doesn’t work out. 

So, I left Saigon a day early and stayed in Hoi An a day longer than intended.

I rented a bicycle one day to get around town. I haven’t ridden a bike in over a year, and it was a little bit of a wobbly ride. Riding was fine until the evening, when I got into an accident by side swiping a motorcyclist, sending both of us crashing down the street. Then all of these motherly Vietnamese ladies came running over to us with their mysterious oils and ointments and patched us up. Although I was dazed from the impact, it was a very sweet gesture. Even though we don’t speak each other’s language, they gave first aid, just like that. 

The driver and I made sure the other was okay. He only had a scratch on his finger and that was it. We rode off.

It made me think how caring and being cared for is one of the things that makes us human.

The pain still spasms in my lower back and butt. It has been difficult to move, and every bump I feel on the road sends shocks of pain throughout my body. I’m very fortunate that nothing is broken. Things are just very sore now. The good news is that Tiger Balm is sold for a dollar here.

The following day after the accident, I thought it was a brilliant idea to test drive a motorbike, even though I have never operated one before. That’s how most people get around. I actually managed to drive it down the block and back just fine. While pulling back into the lot however, I accidentally cranked the accelerator and crashed into a wall at 5 m.p.h. The person who was renting the motorbikes out didn’t want to rent one to me, which was fair.

At least I tried it out. One of these days though! 

On the brighter side, I signed up for a cooking class at Minh Hien Vegetarian Restaurant and learned how to make vegan pho!

It’s a noodle soup swimming in vegetable broth and all the veggies you can handle. I’ve been eating it almost everyday that I’ve been in Vietnam. So, why not learn the secrets of making it?

A tour to My Son was purchased as well (pronounced “Mee Son”). The Unesco World Heritage Site consists of temple ruins, where Hinduism was worshipped from the 4th century to the 13th century. Today, the My Son temples are in poor shape after American bombs devastated the area. 20 structures survive, whereas there were once 68. 

I spent a day longer than intended in Hoi An. Part of the reason was to rest after the accident. But mostly, the allure of this lovely town was magnetic. If you’re an introvert like me, then this is definitely worth visiting.

I have since arrived in Hanoi after an 18 hour bus ride. For now, I am taking everything in. My stay in this country has been longer than intended, and there is still a lot to see. The soreness from the accident is still uncomfortable, but I’m slowly healing after getting some rest. I will write about my experiences on Northern Vietnam in a few days. 

Vietnam, Part 1: Tearing through Saigon

I landed in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, a.k.a. Saigon, from Cape Town on Monday.

Saigon is a fast city, what with its whirlwind traffic, swarms of crowds, and manic carnival nightlife. It’s fun, cheap, and easy to zip though the city, because chances are that the currency exchange rates are in your favor.


It’s a city with an enormous history, and while weaving through it is fun, it’s especially worth visiting the museums, especially the War Remnants museum.

In the history classes in the U.S., we don’t really get an account of the other side’s perspective in wars. The War Remnants museum was educational, harrowing and heartbreaking, and we see the Vietnamese perspective of the war.


The War Crimes exhibit displayed graphic photographs of torture and actual artifacts and weapons, while another exhibit showed the devastating effects of dioxin, the most toxic component of Agent Orange. Using the word “depressing” isn’t enough; it is truly bewildering, the amount of cruelty people can be capable of.


The Ho Chi Minh City Fine Arts museum was close by, so I walked over there afterwards. The Vietnamese artists specialize in lacquer paintings on wood.


Right outside the museum is a small cluster of galleries. Lacquer fumes wafted out from one of them. It reminded me of my spray painting days in college.


Saigon has such chaotic energy. I mentioned the traffic earlier. The guide books made it sound like there was a high chance of being squashed by a car or motorbike, but if you walk a little slowly and deliberately, the traffic weaves around you like schools of fish. Just be aware, use common sense, and all is well. So far, I haven’t seen an accident, but there have been some close calls.

That being said, running in the city proved to be difficult. It’s hard to get miles in without interruption, as it entails dodging motorbikes, navigating sidewalks that end abruptly into traffic, and passing through crowds.


Vegan food is so easy to find. It’s everywhere and so cheap. I’ve been eating fresh fruit, veggies, rice, and tofu everyday. Vietnam is spoiling me so far with clean eating.

I’ve learned to negotiate prices, which has been a confidence-building exercise. You can do that if there’s no fixed price, but some vendors won’t negotiate. As a person with social anxiety, it felt awkward at first, but it’s actually really easy.


So far, navigating through Saigon has been a little test of confidence-building. I always have to be aware and not hide inside my own head, because there’s so much going on. I haven’t encountered any hostility during my travels yet. This is a fast and friendly city.

A little too fast for me.

So, I booked a two day Mekong Delta tour for a change of pace.

I stayed in a homestay. For dinner, there was rice, vegetables, and meat for our group. The tour guide must have not relayed the message that I’m vegan. The language barrier with the host made it awkward, but there was thankfully wifi there, so I was able to use Google Translate to convey that I don’t consume any animal products. I was lucky this time, because there won’t always be internet at my fingertips. So, I wrote down the Vietnamese word for vegan in my notebook: Thuần chay. It was below the words cảm ơn bạn (thank you), xin vui lòng (please), chào bạn (hello), and other very basic phrases. I think foreigners should at least make an effort to communicate those. It sets them apart from the others.




Tomorrow I leave for Hoi An. This is deviating from the original plan for Hanoi, which I will reach eventually. Fellow travelers in the tour group said that Hoi An is a beauty in itself. So, I booked a train ticket for Danang and will take the bus to the city from there. I’m departing a day early. I think I’ve had enough of Saigon. It’s fast and fun, but maybe not my cup of tea. It’s not to say it was a bad time–I’ve had a great time! When things are that fast, it not exactly a case of my anxiety acting up, but rather it’s overwhelming to be immersed in that much fast-paced chaos. Then again, I get bored when things are too slow.

So long, Saigon. I might come back, and it would be with a friend who can appreciate the energy of the city better.

Cape Town: Last Day

It is my last day in Cape Town, thus ending the first leg of my world tour.


After AfrikaBurn, a group of friends and I set out for the Garden Route. Unfortunately, I had to sit out for most of the activities because of the norovirus, the stomach bug that many people caught during the festival. It didn’t hit me until after the Burn. Good times!

The two weeks spent here has already showed how differently people go about their ways. For instance, South Africa has a water restriction enforced, and it makes one more conscious and mindful of water consumption. When driving, we noticed how other drivers are more cooperative. There’s less ego-driven behavior on the road. We saw more drivers sharing the road as intended, instead of controlling it. During the Garden Route journey, one of the friends in our group left her phone at the AirBNB we checked out from. The owner actually went out of her way to chase us down just to give it back! Maybe the last example is more out of the ordinary, but so far the whole experience been astonishing.


This morning I went running for an hour and met these two very sweet Muslim women who were handing out roses for anyone.

They are part of an organization called Who is Hussain, which is one that strives to create positive change in society by giving back to their communities. I was hesitant to tell them where I’m from, thanks to our current administration. But they didn’t judge me or really give any reaction other than smiles and warm welcomes to Cape Town.


Muslims are so misunderstood; people find it easy to fear what they don’t understand, especially in our current events. But how many have actually taken the time to get to know one and have an actual conversation?

My next stop is Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, thus starting the second leg of my world tour. It’s also the longest part, stretching seven weeks. Southeast Asia is where I will actually be on my own. Everything is left open with that itinerary. I really don’t know what to expect. I’m looking forward to it, but the one thought that keeps returning is, “what could possibly go wrong?”

AfrikaBurn 2017

From April 24th through the 30th, we were immersed in the surreal world of AfrikaBurn, a Burning Man regional event held at the Tankwa Karoo National Park.

I am what you would call a Burner: someone who attends Burning Man. I also have an official diagnosis for PTSD, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and Social Anxiety Disorder. Social Anxiety Disorder is an anxiety disorder in which an individual is fearful of interaction with others. This goes beyond shyness. From Wikipedia:

Social anxiety disorder (SAD), also known as social phobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by a significant amount of fear in one or more social situations, causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny from others.

This psychological wall has been built over many, many years from trauma in order to keep everyone out. Introversion is a natural tendency of mine, and so isolation has often been comforting. Ronnieland is a safe place to be; nobody can hurt me there. But the isolation and avoidance has given a false sense of safety. It’s one thing to want to avoid something that hurts; but when it affects virtually every aspect of your life, that is not normal. The good news is that it can be reversed through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and medication.

And then there are events like Burning Man.

I’ve been to Burning Man in the USA four times: 2011, 2013, 2014, and 2015. Every time I’ve been, there has always been a wide range of workshops and lectures to attend for personal and interpersonal development. Everyone has their own reasons why they attend a Burning Man event: whether it’s to let loose their inner sparkle pony and indulge in raucous debauchery, to get in better touch with their creativity, to make more friends, and/or to delve into a stronger connection with their spiritual self. Whatever the reasons are, there are the 10 Principles to live by in order to keep the community strong. They are as follows:

  1. Radical Inclusion
  2. Gifting
  3. Decommodification
  4. Radical Self-Reliance
  5. Radical Self-Expression
  6. Communal Effort
  7. Civic Responsibility
  8. Leaving No Trace
  9. Participation
  10. Immediacy

AfrikaBurn has an 11th Principle: “Each one teach one.”

Burning Man and its regional events can be a challenging place for someone with social anxiety. There is always so much going on, with people everywhere. It can be overwhelming. The good news is that everyone is friendly and welcoming. It is a community where weirdos are welcome, as long as you abide by the 10 Principles.

For AfrikaBurn, I had made a few necklace pouches, each containing a vial of dust straight from the source known as Black Rock Desert, where Burning Man is held. The rule was to give them out to those who really want to go to Burning Man, but have never been. One of them was given to one of my camp mates, which was easy. The other four that were left meant that it was time to strike up conversation with someone.

It’s interesting, because we all have to do that on a daily basis. For someone with social anxiety, conventional wisdom would say that it gets easier as they interact more with others. Except, what if it doesn’t? What if they continuously experience distress from interaction?

I don’t know what works for others. What I do know for myself is that combatting social anxiety is not just a mental process. It involves settling the mind back into the body, where it belongs. A lot of times, social interactions can cause the mind to “check out” when things feel overwhelming. What I’ve been doing was meditating to guide my own agitated mind gently back into a warm calm state and have it stay there.

One night I was out with my friends, and there was a vision of two entwining spirals–the split selves of me–coiling into each other and melting into my core. It was the adult me holding the little girl inside; I held her close and whispered, “you don’t have to be sorry for anything.”

Meaning, you don’t have to be sorry for existing. You don’t have to be sorry for feeling, for thinking, for having needs. You don’t have to be sorry for being human.

One of my friends asked if I was alright. And I told her what was going on. Another one of my friends said, “of course you don’t have to be sorry. Why would you have to be sorry for stuff like that?”

It also helped to keep in mind that everyone loves receiving gifts, no matter how small. So, when I gave away my jewelry pieces to strangers, it was so rewarding to see their faces light up with joy.

The last one I had was a brooch pin with a glass vial of dust. A friendly person smiled at me while we danced, and something as simple as a little smile was so profound to me. Usually I would avert my eyes and avoid the person, because my traumatized mind would flash a warning light. This time, I chose to take a few deep breaths, and stay present. I observed the person, and while I’m wary around people, there was absolutely nothing scary about him.

All he asked was if I was having a good time and how going to Burning Man is high on his bucket list of things to do. I knew that this was the person who needed to have the brooch, so I pinned it on him. His eyes widened in surprise and he asked, “are you sure?” I smiled and told him to enjoy it.

He then reached into his bag and pulled out a necklace with an inner circle of a five Rand coin. He was wearing the outer circle of the coin around his neck. And then he took a photo of me.

I was absolutely not expecting that, but that can be the beauty of Burning Man events. When we gift something, there is no expectation of getting something in return. It’s not a bartering system like the default world believes. We gift out of kindness, because we want to. I thanked him and walked to my camp to rest up.


I was thinking why something so simple as that interaction can be so difficult with others. Despite my introverted tendencies, I crave human contact like everyone else. It can be hard with that wall separating me and the rest of the world. It’s difficult to open up, as I don’t always feel safe expressing my feelings.

Here I was sitting at my camp at 4 AM. I tried to stop it, but the tears gushed forth despite my best efforts to “stay strong,” whatever that means anymore. At this point, it was best to let it pass through. This was an emotional block and it needed to get out.

My friends checked to see what was going on, and it was so awkward. I don’t think I’m alone here, but it’s uncomfortable crying in front of people even if they are close to me. This is a common result from growing up in an environment where it wasn’t safe to express emotions. So when they came to check on me, I had to fight every urge to apologize for being this way, because this is being human.

Turning off social anxiety is not like a switch. It’s quite tiring, but what was important is that my friends held space. Nobody was judging, and they certainly didn’t make me feel bad for anything. They made me feel safe and cared for. Those are the kinds of people you want in your life. It sounds like a no-brainer, but trust me when I say this is real.

I sat there breathing and gathering my wits together before heading back out to see the Tree of Life temple burn at 5 A.M.


For the rest of the time there, it wasn’t always profound. Every moment wasn’t a revelation or an a-ha realization about connection. Usually I don’t have sudden epiphanies. Usually these realizations slowly build on top of one another piece by piece as the steely ice wall of Ronnieland slowly chips away. That’s usually how learning comes by anyway. It often takes a few tries of anything to sink in. It’s events like AfrikaBurn and Burning Man that can really test someone’s limits, especially one with social anxiety.

It’s up to the one experiencing all of this to decide what to take from it and where to go from there. Some people live by the mantra, “what happens at AfrikaBurn stays at AfrikaBurn,” but so many others choose to take those 11 Principles and live their lives and serve their communities through those.

As for me, I’ve been a Burner since 2011, and building self-confidence through this community is still a learning process. It doesn’t stop. It shouldn’t stop. And I don’t think I’m alone here. We do the best we can with what we have. Because in the end, connections are all we have. We are all in this together.