Plants are a new thing I’ve been collecting. We can’t have any more cats, so the only other option are plants. I never considered myself to be a plant lady, because most of them had died under my care. I thought of myself to have a black thumb until recently.

It wasn’t until 3 years ago, when I first entered therapy, that I decided to try and grow an avocado plant from a pit. So, I followed steps on how to do that. It actually took over a month before the first root emerged through the crack. When it grew long enough, I transferred it to a pot.

Here I am with Loretta, an avocado tree I grew from that pit. I viewed this avocado seedling as a metaphor for growth. From the beginning, as she grew from an embryonic seedling, I nurtured her as I did to myself during that time.

I made sure her soil was always moist as her thin stem steadily grew upwards and sprouted the first pair of leaves.

One day, I came home to find that our cat had eaten the leaves and subsequently threw them up in the other room. After Googling to make sure avocado leaves weren’t toxic to cats, I kept an eye on the very young plant. I kept her, hoping she could grow new leaves eventually… Patience, patience, patience. Within weeks, small new leaves slowly emerged just below where the stem was broken off. I later learned that it’s a good practice, when starting an avocado tree from a seed, to cut it back after it gets about 10 inches. It helps the roots double up and get really strong.

It reminded me that as we heal from trauma in our lives, it is two steps forward and one step back. Sometimes we need stuff like that to happen in our own beings so that our own roots can grow stronger.

I kept up the practice of trimming the leaves, especially the sick and yellow ones. And Loretta grew steadily. Two years later, I left to travel the world. Upon returning three months later, I saw that the poor plant’s leaves had all shriveled up! I carefully trimmed those off, but I knew she wasn’t dead. Within days, she started growing new leaves, but from an unexpected place: at the bottom of the stem. The leaves at the top started growing back later. I took that as a sign that we also grow in ways we don’t expect. Growth is not linear.

I’ve been healing for a while now, and this avocado seedling has been growing along with me. A big lesson learned from this journey is that everything will fall into place; it just takes patience. It’s a slow process, like being a seedling. I told my therapist about that metaphor, and she agreed that one can’t yell at a plant to grow faster. So, I’ve learned to hand the reigns of life over to the universe and let the chips fall where they may. Before that, I forced and compelled things to happen my whole life and that took a lot of energy out of me. That’s what I’ve been these past three years: healing and letting everything fall into place…however that turns out. Kind of like how this plant has turned out.

This plant’s pronouns were definitely “she” and “her,” and it wasn’t until the last two months that the name finally came to me. Loretta sounds like a good fit.

Then over Christmas, I got a cactus from Secret Santa. Someone said that she looks bitchy, but I think she’s just misunderstood. She always has a home here.

And then I acquired Kyle in January. This is a boy plant to balance out the girls. It’s always so nice to add more life into my room, so he sits on my night stand and guards me as I sleep. I’m not entirely sure how I come up with the genders of the plants. They just come as they are.

I am looking forward to getting more plants when the time is right.