Today is my 31st Birthday.

A year ago I entered my 30s, feeling like I was wearing shoes that were a couple sizes too big. It felt unfamiliar, and I was unsure of what to do with myself. Then I left to travel and the changes from that whole trip have continued to spur growth in the void where it felt like something was missing.

I just returned from a family union gathering in Jacksonville, FL. My cousins and I are in the same age range, and they are in their late 20s. I overheard one of them expressing mild apprehension about turning 28, and another consoling her that it’s just another year. I have to say that once you hit 30, all of that concern dissolves. About 20 years ago, I asked one of my aunts her age. It made her stop and think. Finally, she said, “I’m 35, but when you get to my age, you forget how old you are.” My 9-year-old mind didn’t believe her at the time, but I get what she means now.

My 30th year will be hard to beat. But starting my third decade with the deliberate intention of upending my life with epic adventures in order to grow has proven to lay the foundation to further improve my own life. Before, depression had permeated my existence, which often made it difficult to move ahead. But as I get older, I feel more comfortable taking risks and making investments to further grow as a person. The depression is still there at times, but it doesn’t have as much power as it did a year ago.

I don’t have a tendency to look back as much. At this point, I’m looking ahead and have been living with more solid intention than I did before. It’s so much easier to do that when healing has taken place more. I’m okay with the weight gain and creases forming around my eyes. The clarity that comes with age is more important. Once you have that, there’s nothing that can ever take it away.

I am feeling pretty good about it.