Coming Full Spiral

12th Vegan Birthday

Today is a very special day, because it is my 12th Vegan Birthday! That means I have been vegan for 12 years already!

It was my first day of college and I made the decision to be vegan. (I had been vegetarian for four years prior to making the switch.) I didn’t know how long being vegan would last; at first, it was just trying it out. But I kept it up because it made me feel better in many ways. It has certainly made me more conscious of the impact my decisions make. Being vegan allows me to live beyond myself. Meat consumption is one of the worst culprits for global warming, not to mention the unimaginable suffering that animals go through. As someone who is recovering from PTSD, I am very sensitive to the suffering and abuse of creatures outside myself. I’m not a saint or anything, but it blows my mind when people don’t get it. I just cannot support any of that.

Living a more compassionate lifestyle doesn’t earn anyone a gold star, by the way. My aim is to try and make the world a better place through conscious decision making. Whenever I talk about these things, it’s often met with defensiveness or attacks. I become hesitant about it, before remembering that this lifestyle isn’t all for myself.

There is also the myth that vegans don’t get enough protein. My running has been increased to the point where I have finished two full marathons and a few half marathons. Besides…Running relies more on complex carbohydrates for energy.

For those who are concerned about protein intake, there are so many ways to obtain it through a plant based diet. If, for example, you are weight training–and there are plenty of vegan athletes who do–vegan protein supplements exist. But usually an athlete can get away without them.

Smoothies make the best and easiest meals. I’m partial to foods where you can just throw ingredients together and it always turns out delicious. Here is one I’ve been obsessed with lately. It keeps me sustained and clear-headed.

Vegan Smoothie:

1 sliced banana
1 kiwi fruit
1/2 pear, diced
1/2 sliced cucumber
Fist full of spinach
2 scoops of Clean Lean Protein by Nuzest. (Or whatever vegan protein supplement. It’s optional.)
1/2 cup soy milk or water

Blend until smooth. Easy!

When asked if I miss cheese, eggs, or other animal byproducts, I really don’t. Not only are there substitutes for those, I’ve gained so much more than what I’ve given up. And for me, that is more important.

Happy Vegan Birthday to me!

Coming Full Spiral ‘Round the World, Part 2: Post-Travel Depression

I’ve been home for nearly three weeks now. And lately, there is this insidious feeling I’ve been drifting in and out of.

From a friend:

Re-entry shock, or reverse culture shock, can sometimes be harder than the initial culture shock of traveling. You are different, but you have returned to your previous world and life; and everything else is the same.

That’s exactly it. I’m picking up where I’ve left off… Except, I am not the same.

If you Google “Post-Travel Depression,” many results come up, a reminder that this is apparently a common thing that travelers experience when returning home. It sounds like a part of the human condition. So, at least I’m not alone there.

There is no solid time period on how long it takes to decompress from post-travel depression. I thought it would be over with by now. I’ve learned that it’s more realistic to not give a time frame when it comes to processing emotions, because those have a mind of their own.

Sure, there are forums and meet-ups with other travelers that you could join to commiserate. Most likely, setting back out into the world isn’t feasible. There are more realistic ways to cope with the travel blues. Here’s what I’ve been doing:

Unpack everything and put it all away immediately. You may not feeling your best after coming back from being gone for so long, but I’ve found that less clutter means more productivity in the long run. Plus, it’s a relatively small thing to do.
Exercising and eating well. This is highly obvious, no matter where in the world you are. If you took cooking classes abroad, now is a perfect time to wow your friends with your worldly culinary prowess. There’s also nothing like being buzzed on your own endorphins from exercising.
Ease back into work/productivity. After you’ve tackled the little things (like #1), settling back in becomes a little more bearable. Don’t be like me and hit the ground running. Trying to take on a lot after returning sounds like a nice distraction from post-travel depression, but eventually you run out of fuel because you need to take care of yourself first.
Take a mini road trip or day trip to another town or city. I don’t know about you, but I can’t just stop going to places abruptly. This provided a little break from suddenly coming back. My best friend and I did a little day trip to Portland, OR–a three hour drive from Seattle.
Reflect on your travels. All those little ticket stubs and momentos can be arranged in a scrap book. It can help to write out these changes that take place within.
Keep in touch with friends you met abroad… With social media available at our fingertips, it keeps getting easier to keep in touch with new friends made from all over the world. Even better, send them candy or treats from your country along with a handwritten note. They’ll love that.
…While seeing all of your friends at home. Go to museums, art walks, take a hike, or even make dinner together (see #2). Your friends will be happy to see you and will want to hear all about your stories from abroad.
Make future plans. It can be pretty disorienting to suddenly come back. Free falling like this is scary at times, especially when you’ve come back to your old life and you’re in between jobs. Having plans at least gives structure.

Coming home wasn’t what I had expected. I’ve experienced post-vacation sadness before, but nothing ever like this. After facing the unknowns for three months and really living life in a way I never have before, it has been hard settling back into the familiar. There is no shortcut around these emotions either.

The only way out is through.

Pacific Northwest Pie

A bountiful harvest awaits you this summer

I love summer in Seattle. A heatwave has blanketed the Pacific Northwest, the hot air lulling us into the dog days of the season. One thing I love about living here is that it’s usually mild. While I prefer cooler weather, this isn’t so bad. Drinking lots of water and staying in the shade does the trick to keep cool.

In more exciting news, today is my best friend’s 34th birthday!

This morning, I gathered the ingredients to make a special birthday treat for him. Another thing I love about living in the Pacific Northwest is that there’s an abundant harvest waiting for you in the form of fresh fruit hanging from trees and vines. The fruit is so abundant that a non-profit organization called City Fruit has a program where you can register your fruit tree. So that, in order to minimize wasted food, whatever is left over from the harvest can go to the food banks around the city. I’ve never volunteered for City Fruit, but I know where all of my favorite fruit trees are in my neighborhood.

After picking blackberries, I climbed a tree and picked Italian plums. I love picking fruit straight from the source and eating it on the spot. Urban foraging is one of my favorite things; it reminds us where food actually comes from.

A group of halved and pitted plums on a wooden countertop — Irresistible plums from just blocks away

I picked a whole bunch because I make a pie crumble every year for my friend’s birthday. I call it the Pacific Northwest pie, because the filling is picked straight from the source. The pie crust is store-bought from the co-op, but if you want to make your own, there are plenty of vegan recipes for that. If you really want to be an overachiever and make the crust from wheat and oats that you’ve milled yourself, then that’s an über-Pacific Northwest pie!

This recipe makes two pies.

Pacific Northwest Pie Recipe

Have ready:

2 store bought pie crusts

Filling:

4 cups of Italian plums, pitted and quartered
4 cups of blackberries
1/4 cup flour
1/4 cup organic sugar
2 tsp lemon juice

Crumble top:

1 cup rolled oats
1 cup flour
1/2 cup organic dark brown sugar
1/2 cup Earth Balance (or whatever vegan butter you prefer)
2 tsp cinnamon

Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit.

Follow the instructions on how to prepare the pie crusts. They should be on the label.

For the filling, first mix the fruit together. The blackberries will most likely be crushed as they’re stirred around. Splash in the lemon juice. Then add the flour and sugar until everything is mixed well. Spoon the filling into the two pie crusts.

For the crumble topping, cream together the sugar and the Earth Balance. Add the cinnamon. Then add the flour and rolled oats until a sticky dough forms. Divide into two parts. Crumble each part onto a pie.

Bake for 30 minutes at 375 degrees. The blackberries will dissolve and the plums will hold their shape.

After the pies are done baking, cool for 20 minutes. The filling gets very hot. Waiting is hard, but trust me on this one. Once it’s cool enough, enjoy the pie. It pairs well with Coconut Bliss vanilla ice cream.

Travel

Portlandia

On Friday, my best friend Brad and I drove down to Portland for the day.

I tell people that Portland is pretty much Seattle’s more laid-back sister city. It was exciting to finally be able to show my best friend my favorite spots in this illustrious place! There was a list of places to go, and we had plans to eat our way through, meander around art galleries, and pet cats.

First, we arrived at Homegrown Smoker, which is a vegan BBQ restaurant.

Our GPS took us to a corner of Portland that I’ve never been before, and I was getting concerned because none of it looked familiar. It turns out the BBQ joint moved from being a food cart at the end of Mississippi Ave to a sit-in restaurant in the Northwest part of the city. I had the Buff Burrito and Brad had the combo plate. Homegrown Smoker does not mess around; the food was impressive, as always. Seriously, they do not mess around.

We next went to Blue Star donuts to get a couple vegan donuts to go. We were pretty full from having vegan barbeque food, but I kept telling Brad that Blue Star’s vegan donuts are just as delicious as Seattle’s counterpart, Mighty-O.

As a side note, we saw this on the wall, and I shamelessly took a photo. My friend rolled his eyes and told me to see the irony behind it. I rolled my eyes right back and bought him donuts.

From there, we went to Purringtons Cat Lounge, which is exactly what it sounds like. Admission to chill with the cats is $8 for an hour visit.

Brad and I have a tendency to meow at each other like a pair of odd best friends do, so we could not pass up a visit to Portland’s cat cafe. I swear, whenever I’m around cats, a warm tingly feeling starts in the back of my head and spreads down my spine. I can’t possibly be the only one who feels this way.

From Purringtons, we headed a little back north to the Alberta Arts District to visit Antler Gallery, an exhibition art space that features nature-themed drawings, paintings, sculptures, and jewelry. Currently artists Lisa Ericson, David Rice, and Danny Samuels are exhibiting work. Every time I’m always blown away by the skill of artists in this gallery.

I convinced Brad to drive us to the vegan mini-mall, which includes Herbivore, Food Fight Grocery, Sweet Pea Bakery, and Scapegoat Tattoo. No trip to Portland is complete without visiting those places! So, we saved the best for last. Granted, I’ve never actually stepped inside Scapegoat because I’m extremely picky about tattoos. The other three sell food, snacks, and non-edible vegan goods, such as soap, clothes, and cosmetics.

I thought of moving to Portland several times. It sure is fun to visit and I always feel right at home. But as much as Portland is amazing, it feels like Seattle has more to offer. There’s also the sense of quirkiness that Portland is known for, which I’ve been growing out of. That show Portlandia is supposed to be an exaggeration of what Portland is like. Except…a lot of it is pretty much true. From the fun personality of the city to the new hip bakery that people line up the block for, you get a glimpse into what it’s like in a way.

The day trip wasn’t even that long. We spent a little over six hours there. I have to say that six hours is nowhere nearly enough time to do all of your favorite things. I needed to decompress after traveling; stopping abruptly after going to so many places around the world can be disorienting. I was hoping that Portland could alleviate some of that.

Or maybe it’s better to dive right back into my Seattle life instead of escaping to Portland for a day. You know, pick up where things were left off. But things aren’t the same.

Till next time, Portland!

Coming Full Spiral ‘Round the World

I have returned from my worldwide trip three days ago. I visited a total of seven countries: South Africa, Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, Cambodia, Indonesia, and New Zealand. My two layovers were in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and Brisbane, Australia. I’m still processing what has happened over the last three months.

First, let’s talk about coming back to the U.S.

It was a doozy being admitted into my own country where I’m a citizen. Going through the security clearance was practically one step below being taken to an interrogation room. It was that kind of clearance. Usually I can walk on through without an issue. The TSA personnel scrutinized every minor detail. Every answer I gave was challenged. They took every little thing out and went through all of my receipts, clothes, and personal belongings. Even the coffee beans I brought back were opened and sniffed. (They smell good, don’t they?) My payment cards were taken out of my wallet to see if anything was hiding in the slots. They even went so far as to skim my sketchbook, calendar, and journal. They looked up all of my medications, both over the counter and prescriptions. I actually thought they would confiscate something, but that didn’t happen. It was nerve wracking to say the least. About half an hour later, they let me go.

I collect currencies and this is what’s left over from my travels: money from nine different countries. The TSA apparently frowns upon having a big wad of cash, as I learned from the rigorous screening. They asked what do I need all of that cash for, implying that it must be used for something illicit. When really, it was about $10-$15 worth of currency from each country. But it wasn’t worth converting back to US Dollars, because a percentage gets taken with the conversion. For starters, it should only be of concern if it’s $10,000 cash or more. I think they just wanted to give grief because they were bored. At least I have cash for next time!

Now I’m back in Seattle and wondering, “what the hell just happened?”

It is like waking up from a three-month dream. Practically nothing has changed here. But I know that I’m not exactly the same.

I went on this worldwide trip because a change was badly needed in my life. Every aspect of my life had stagnated, and travel was the only the only option left to give a jump start. My own world needed to be shaken up in order to move forward, so I made the decision to explore the one outside my own environment. Time to tear out old roots and plant new seeds, as the saying goes.

The extent of the changes will take months, perhaps even years, to sink in. What I can say for certain is that this journey took me out of my comfort zone in ways I’ve never experienced before.

I started off in South Africa to attend AfrikaBurn, where my social anxiety was swiftly confronted, and I found myself in a brand new community of friends who embraced emotional vulnerability. I then landed in Vietnam and got horribly lost while navigating among a language I did not understand. For the next seven weeks, I was immersed in the chaos and beauty of tropical Southeast Asia, perpetually in motion like a spinning top. I learned to negotiate prices as a confidence-building exercise and to not be sorry for what I want. I took a vegan cooking course in Vietnam. I ate the most delicious vegan food, petted the friendliest cats, and went on a meditation retreat in Thailand. I hiked up a volcano at 4 AM to watch the most breathtaking sunrise in Bali. I learned to ride a motorbike in Cambodia and was awestruck by the Temples of Angkor. I went scuba diving for the first time in Indonesia. I planted trees, weeded gardens, and volunteered my time at an urban farm in New Zealand.

But it wasn’t all sunshine, roses, and “a-ha” moments. The week after AfrikaBurn was spent fighting the debilitating norovirus. I got into more accidents in Southeast Asia than I could keep track of–which included sideswiping a motorcyclist on my bicycle in Vietnam. I fell on slippery rocks and broke my ribs in Laos. I literally ran into a car which put a dent in it, so I had to pay for damages in Indonesia. As if physical pain weren’t enough, halfway in my trip I had reached a turning point: My heart was shattered by a romantic interest back home at the same time one of my best friends shared that she has breast cancer. My weight dropped to nearly 120 pounds at my 5’9″ frame, and there were more 24+ hour benders than I could possibly count. There were nights where I truly felt like I was going crazy, especially in Southeast Asia, where I was all alone. It felt like nothing in the world could silence the fire raging through. The only option left was riding it out.

The more challenging parts also provided opportunities for growing emotional aptitude. It can be so easy to be swept away in a raging storm, and for me, the best I could do was take things one moment at a time. I may have been in hell some days, but it was the cleansing fire that burned out the old cobwebs of my psyche for new growth. A friend of mine had said, “don’t worry. Whatever happens, it always works out in the end.” I am grateful for the good parts of my trip and the bad.

This trip, with its good and bad parts, was a net positive to say the least. I’ve had to tackle my social anxiety by actually immersing myself in unfamiliar environments where I had no choice but to put faith in others. For most of my life, I was instilled with the belief that the world is a dangerous, scary place. In reality, most people around the world that I’ve met showed kindness and compassion. I was also led to believe that I was incompetent and not smart enough, and this trip has shown that maybe I’m actually more capable of things than I realize. It has built more solid confidence in me and others by really forcing myself to live in the outside world instead being so wrapped up inside my own head.

It had been a while since I felt that viscerally, thrillingly, brilliantly alive.

In New Zealand, the koru is a ubiquitous spiral symbol in Maori art for growth, change, new life, strength, and peace. It is based on the shape of a new unfurling silver fern frond. The outer shape of the spiral suggests perpetual movement while the inner coils show the return to the point of origin. It’s congruent with the belief that life is more of a spiral than a linear form. At the core is where the soul originates. As we grow, we sometimes return to the same point on whole new levels. We are in perpetual change, as nothing is permanent or pure.

“I’ve met travelers like you come and go. A lot of them are trying to find themselves or whatever light they are seeking. It could be the man who went though a divorce or the woman who is running from a traumatic past. Everyone has a story and happiness to find. But you know what, you don’t need to look so hard. You don’t have to go to the ends of the earth to find it. The light is already within you; it’s already there! You’re just still opening your eyes to fully see it.”

I shared that quote before in a previous entry. It’s from a conversation I had with the owner of a hotel I stayed at in Bali. It really struck a chord in me, as it was an encouraging reminder that every single person has inherent self-worth to begin with.

It’s what I’m actually beginning to see now.

I wish there was more to write about. I wish this blog entry was more detailed. But things are still sinking in, and as I said before, it will take a while before the entire experience is fully comprehended. It’s like a year of my life has been compressed to a period of three months. Now I’m back to where I started on a brand new level. Traveling the world solo has changed me in more ways than I can count.

Now that I’m back in Seattle, it’s time to decide where to go from here. Already I’m feeling restless from not having a next destination to go to, so…I’m planning an impromptu day trip to Portland tomorrow with my best friend, Brad. It’s a way to decompress after being set in constant motion.

Time to tie those boots on again.

New Incredible Heights

It was my last week in a New Zealand. After WWOOFing, I’ve took a bus to Turangi to meet a friend, which is further up north.

I met Mary in Vietnam two months ago. It’s a funny story how we met: I had snapped at her partner for sitting on my bed. (I had gotten into a bicycle accident ten minutes beforehand and was shaken up about it.) Then I later apologized about being rude to him, and that’s when I met Mary! We became friends fast. She’s so rad. She’s also vegan and we ate tons of vegan food during the time I visited Turangi.

Making new friends during my travels has been so easy. Usually my social anxiety warning light is flashing, and it has been ignored more as I went on. The friends I have made didn’t mind that I was a bit nervous at first, but when people are present and kind, it’s easier to relax.

Mary and I hung out at the ski fields, where she was staying for work. We had a great time, even without skiing since my rib was still sore. And then there were the some of the most spectacular sunsets I’ve ever seen, the spectrum of colors reflected off the snowy mountains.

Later in the week, I tried my hand at climbing for the first time and reached the top several times before the pain in my ribs flared up again. Otherwise, I would have kept on going.

In 2006, one of my cousins fell 800 feet to her death from rock climbing in Washington State. This deterred me from ever trying climbing. But I’m so tired of being afraid. I’m tired of this fear that was instilled in me. This is not who I am. I was warned to never try something like climbing and was kept within the boundaries of “don’ts.” But you don’t grow that way. You never know what you’re good at until you actually try it.

The week has drawn to a close, and so has my worldwide trip! I have departed New Zealand to return to the US of A, thus completing the circuit of going around the world. I will be flying so far out east, that I will land in the West again. By the time I arrive in Seattle, I will have landed almost the same time as I have left, so I will be living the same day again.

And what an incredible three months it has been! It’s hard to find the words to describe this experience. It’s like living a typical year of my life compressed into three months. It has been beautiful and frightening, surreal and visceral. And now it’s all over. It has changed me. This calls for a separate entry, and that one will come when I have finally returned and the dust settles.

I’ll be home soon.

Mindfulness

One Year Sober

Today is the one year anniversary of sobriety with my best friend.

I’ve quit alcohol once before for 18 months back in 2010-11. After a series of stressful events, I figured that one drink wouldn’t hurt to ease my nerves.

I drank alcohol partially because it calmed my anxious nerves. Usually I wear a mask of calm hiding the sea of anxiety beneath, particularly around other people. The first sip was always dangerously seductive, the magical elixir rushing through my bloodstream like liquid gold. That one sip would flow through, a warm sensation that melted away any anxieties. After a while, one drink would turn into two. I had already crossed that line, so what’s to stop me from doing it again? Then two drinks would turn into three, and…well, you get the idea.

I won’t go into how alcohol ruined my life, because it never really went that far. I don’t even feel comfortable to say that I was an alcoholic, as there are plenty of people who have it worse than I did. I can say, however, that my relationship to alcohol was problematic anyway. I never kept it in the house because it would be finished much faster than what is considered moderate consumption. In some cases, I would not even remember what happened the night prior. I may not have consumed it every day, but when I did, there was no way I could stop at just one drink.

Alcohol felt like a temporary bandage to my depression, spinning a shimmering light into my small world. It made me feel alive and sociable, charming and unstoppable. It also kept me from ever taking the steps from getting out of my depression without it. While it did a great job of lowering my inhibitions, alcohol is still a depressant. It has also landed me in more dangerous or embarrassing situations that I could keep track of.

I had reached a breaking point when my best friend saved me from a situation. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t touch alcohol again for two weeks. Not even a week passed when the temptation struck at my roommate’s birthday party the following Wednesday. I couldn’t even keep my own promise to sobriety, and usually I’m pretty good at keeping the promises I make.

When I told my best friend about what happened, it dawned on me that I should quit alcohol again for good. He agreed that it’s a good idea. This guy is like a brother to me. When I told him I couldn’t do it alone, he said, “then I’ll quit with you.”

Since then, I’ve been able to better manage my anxiety and depression…and then there were the first signs of the lifelong PTSD lifting a few months after making the decision to be sober. Sobriety has saved me a ton of money (hello world traveling!), and it has made me more mindful of emotional regulation, instead of relying on booze as a temporary band-aid. I still have temptations here and there, but with my “brother” going this far with me, there’s just no way I could ever do that to him. He would say that my sobriety is for me, not for him, but you see…giving up that vice again was actually scary. It helps to have someone to walk through that darkness with. And now I don’t even miss alcohol.

There are ways to continue having fun without imbibing. For starters, having a sparkling water (I’m addicted to La Croix) has kept me off the booze. At bars, my go-to is a sparkling water with grenadine with a cherry on top. Fortunately, many bars have a menu for “mocktails.”

I was worried if giving up alcohol also meant giving up a vibrant social life if I chose to go out. But your real friends are those who support your decision to be healthier and happier. Your real friends want to see you flourish, and they will do what they can to help you. Your real friends won’t make fun of you or leave you when you want to better yourself. As Dr. Seuss said, “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

One year down… I can do this for the rest of my life.

Of Windstorms, Broken Ribs, and Gluten-Free Crackers

Wellington is known for its unpredictable weather. All week there have been windstorms, with gales exceeding 100 k.m.h. (That’s 62 m.p.h. for you U.S. folks!) You could feel the whole house shake, and apparently this is normal. My WWOOF hosts live in a high-wind zone, but just one step below the “Special Engineering Required” zone for building requirements. They said that someone’s roof blew off in that area. What!

But they didn’t make me work outside because wind storms are obviously dangerous. So, I got to stay indoors and do domestic stuff, like baking bread for the week!

Really, having freshly baked bread straight from the bread maker is one of the best things in the world. Maybe I’m overreacting a little, but when a warm fluffy bite of whole wheat bread melts on your tongue, you’d be in heaven too. Unless you eat gluten-free. Then that’s understandable if you’re not keen on it.

It is also very likely that I’ve broken a rib when falling on some rocks in Laos almost two months ago. The pain made it very difficult to breathe then, and whenever I sneezed, it felt like my whole body shattered. Slowly the pain diminished to a dull ache here and there. Barely having any rest and all of those benders in Southeast Asia probably did my injury no favors. Lately, the pain has flared up again. I never went to the doctor because it only seemed like just a bad fall at the time. But pain that lasts this long doesn’t feel normal. Even if I did go to a doctor, there’s not a whole lot that can be done for a broken rib. I can at least run and work. That’s what matters the most. I go stir crazy from sitting or lying down for too long. I am safe and warm in New Zealand, and getting plenty of rest in between.

In the meantime, indoor things are just fine. I even made laundry detergent from scratch!

And then came the gluten-free crackers from scratch. The recipe is as follows:

2 Cups gluten-free oats
1 1/2 cups oat flour
1/3 cup olive oil
Pinch of salt
1/2 cup water

Preheat oven to 350 degrees (Or 180 degrees Celsius). Mix all dry ingredients, then add the wet ingredients until a dough forms. Let it sit for 15 minutes for the oats to absorb the water. Roll out the dough to 1/4 inch thick and use a cookie cutter to cut circles. Makes about 10 3-inch crackers.

If you have only a 2-inch cookie cutter, don’t worry, the gluten-free cracker police won’t come after you. You’ll just end up with more crackers at a smaller size.

There’s only a week left in my worldwide trip before coming home. Reflections on the entire adventure flip through, and yet it feels too soon to write about it. Not all of it has sunken in yet. I’m not sure how this has changed me at the moment.

In the meantime, there’s an ice pack on my side along with the understanding that I’ve lived a little outside my comfort zone.

Pulling Out Old Roots

I’ve mentioned earlier that Wellington is very similar to Seattle on every level. The artsy and vegan familiarity isn’t the only reason I picked this city to do a WWOOF volunteership.

The climate is also similar to the Pacific Northwest. Whatever experience is gained here can be applied back at home. The difference is that it can get very windy, with gales exceeding 100 km per hour. Eek!

It’s actually been relatively calm last week, which made it all the more pleasant to pull weeds out of the garden.

I have been getting intimately familiar with onion weed by pulling up the roots and bulbs. Here is an example of a small patch I worked on last week.

Pulling up all of those onion weeds looks deceptively easy, but it was actually time consuming because the roots ran very deep. Tearing them out from under the surface also exposed some of the fattest earthworms I’ve ever seen, which attracted the birds that would eat them…watching nature take its course before my own eyes.

I can’t express how glad I am to be here. It feels so good to volunteer and be a part of something again. For a while in Seattle, I was living on the periphery.

Currently I’m staying with two lovely hosts who make me feel so welcome and appreciated. And we cook the most delicious and nutritious vegan meals together. Finding the right hosts can definitely impact the experience, and I am so grateful for that. Their place also gets plenty of natural light, which is crucial for winter months, at least for me.

That’s what I’ve missed: something so human as the feeling of belonging somewhere and being a part of something meaningful. With WWOOFing has come a sense of purpose and community.

It can be easy to go back to my super introverted ways. Isolating oneself is so much easier to do once all basic needs are met. Maybe I’m not ever the type who gains energy by being around tons of people, but last year I have noticed that while isolation keeps people from hurting me, it has been slowly rotting my world. It had gotten to the point where it actually was doing more harm than good, yet I was so wrapped up in its comfort, that it was hard to see a way out.

This is one reason why I’m traveling. And then traveling just for myself got old. I was looking another purpose outside of my own world that could still be practical and fulfilling.

Am I trying to be a good person? I don’t know; I ain’t a saint or anything. All I know is that I’m trying my best here like everyone else. I do know that healing or self-improvement cannot be done alone; there needs to be a sense of care and community involved. And it’s not always easy or glamorous. I still fuck up every now and again. But this growth is so far a net-positive.

The expression “tearing out old roots and plant new seeds” has never been more relevant.

Vegan No-Sugar-Added Hot Chocolate

I’ve mentioned that it’s winter in New Zealand. The winter blues that have been forgotten hit unexpectedly in this beautiful place.

I run for at least an hour several days a week. The endorphins keep my brain in working order and mood elevated. Sometimes, however, running alone isn’t enough.

Yesterday was my first day WWOOFing, and it feels so good having a purpose again. Volunteering is something I’ve missed doing, and contributing my time and energy while being a part of something is helping to keep the blues away.

I’m currently staying in a house with two lovely, gracious hosts who are following a strict gluten-free and no sugar diet. While it’s hard to turn down a vegan pastry or dessert, sugar is probably one of the worst things you can feed yourself if you have depression, even if it only hits seasonally. We already know that studies have found that it has the same addictive properties as cocaine. So, when the withdrawal symptoms creep up… It can leave a gaping feeling inside, further compounding the depressive feelings. But I’m determined to work through it.

Running about 30 miles a week sometimes doesn’t quite cut it. In addition to volunteer work, it turns out that not having access to anything sweet is probably what is saving my drifting mentality right now.

Though, the hosts did say I can help myself to anything I like. While I’m grateful there is no sugar in the house, withdrawal can be a bitch.

So, I whipped up a recipe for a vegan hot chocolate that doesn’t have any sugar added but still hits the spot. The raw cacao contains the antioxidants your body craves without that stuff negating any of it. The spices provide a natural sweetness that is actually satisfying. Say, what!

Vegan No-Sugar-Added Hot Chocolate

Ingredients:

1 Liter unsweetened soy milk (or whatever dairy-free milk you prefer)
4 Tablespoons raw cacao powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon cardamom

Heat up the soy milk in a sauce pan over low heat. Gradually whisk the dry ingredients in until everything is well blended. Try not to overheat the hot chocolate drink, because the heat can kill the antioxidants. But if you prefer hotter drinks and don’t mind that bit, then go for it.

Makes 4 servings.

The spices can be tweaked to whatever you prefer. If you prefer clove and allspice over cardamom, then feel free to switch it up. You can even add vanilla extract to give it a sweeter aroma.

Enjoy!