Life Archives — Coming Full Spiral

Category: Life

Reconnecting in South Korea

For the first time in over 30 years, I have returned to the motherland, South Korea. My sister Jess and I visited our Imo, our mother’s older sister. Since our mom has passed, Imo is the last link to the Korean side of the family. We haven’t seen her since we were kids. A week-long visit was in order to reconnect.

Caught between two worlds

Growing up, I always felt caught between two worlds. My mother was Korean, and my father was a white man.

My first language was Korean: Dad would work during the day, and Omma would stay home to take care of me. Naturally, my first conversations were in Korean. I spoke it fluently until preschool, where I didn’t know how to communicate with my English-speaking classmates.

Through childhood, being bi-racial felt like a cultural tug-of-war. In Omma’s Korean circles, I looked more like “the other side.” At school, my blond-haired, blue-eyed counterparts would say that I looked “Chinese” and “not American,” vocalizing tonal sounds to mock the language I grew up with. In the rural suburbs of Virginia, anyone who didn’t fit the “standard American” image was considered unclean, weird, or even dangerous. As I grew older, I became self-conscious of my Korean background. In addition, my mother and I always had a fractious relationship, which sadly made it harder to connect with her. Eventually, I stopped speaking Korean.

It was like that then—and still is today

At first, going to South Korea felt heavy. A few weeks before our visit, ICE agents arrested hundreds of immigrants, mostly Koreans, at a Hyundai plant without any diplomatic notice. The Supreme Court also ruled out that ICE can arrest anyone who has a darker skin tone or speaks a language that isn’t English, especially if they speak Spanish. They’ve even started detaining Black U.S. citizens.

As shown above, anti-immigrant hate is nothing new. It’s a shame, because these attitudes often disconnect us from our cultures, as we do our best to assimilate. It always felt like I had to pick one side over the other. Since we were children at the time, we strove to be products of our environment, because our social survival depended on it. But as a result, the Korean side of me has felt fractured for most of my life.

It’s never too late to reconnect

Immigrants and minorities were often feared…and for what? All they want to do is live in peace with their families and connect with communities. Immigrants are beloved and valued in society, because they introduce new cuisines, customs, and perspectives that we can all learn from. Also, living with immigrants can show you to be kind to all kinds, especially when they look differently from you. Anyone who thinks otherwise is really missing out.

Over time, I learned that no one can take our cultural roots away from us. So, this trip to South Korea was kind of like a pilgrimage to reconcile our racial identity and find the missing pieces. It’s been healing in a way, especially with seeing our Imo.

Using the Korean language

My sister and I mostly stayed in Incheon, where our Imo lives. Here in Incheon, it helps to know some basic Korean. What I had forgotten has come back faster than I expected! I still know enough to get by, such as asking for directions, ordering food, and expressing my likes and dislikes. I can read simple sentences. However, I certainly understand far more than what I can express in this language. Using Korean in the motherland was healing there, too—especially when the locals validated me. All is not lost!

Most Koreans don’t speak English; maybe about 20% know some. Knowing a little bit of Korean can go a long way.

Our aunt, Imo

Oh, Imo. “Imo” means “aunt” in Korean. She has dementia and has been under the care of a nursing home for quite some time now. Jess and I hadn’t seen her since we were kids, so we didn’t know if she would recognize us.

We walked into the room, and Imo looked up, confused. Then her eyes lit up with a small smile.

She squeezed our hands, and the three of us were together again in quiet joy.

Through the week, we did errands with her. It can be hard for Imo to talk, and she only speaks Korean. She also needs assistance in getting around places. With an assistant’s help, we were able to help her stuff done.

Imo asked if she could buy us lunch, although she had already eaten. Instead of “How are you?”, you might hear, “Have you eaten?” That’s because food is a love language in Korean families.

After doing the errands together, it took a lot out of Imo. She lay down for a nap, and it was time for Jess and I to go off on our own before we visit her again the next day.

Seeing Imo was healing, like I’m picking up some of these lost pieces. Even though she has daily challenges, the connection was still there after all these years. Since she’s the last link of our Korean family, this has made our visit to the motherland even more special.

Connecting further with my Korean roots

When I wasn’t visiting Imo, I wanted to further connect with my Korean roots. Jess ended up going back home earlier than me, so I got to explore Seoul on my own a little bit.

But first, look at this transit pass! It’s pink with a cute character and holographic foil. I bought this from a convenience store at the airport. But sometimes it wouldn’t reload in the subway kiosks. If I had to buy another transit pass, the T-Money card would be better, since it’s more flexible and takes you further.

I ended up spending quite a bit on transportation through the week. When you’re taking the subway all day long, those costs add up. Fortunately, at the end of your trip, you can go back to a convenience store and ask for a cash refund from whatever is left over on your card.

My obsession with norigae tassels

Not only did I grow up eating comforting Korean food that Omma made, in our home there were beautiful pieces of black-lacquered furniture with intricate inlaid designs of iridescent abalone shells. Colorful norigae tassels hung on cabinet knobs, doors, and walls. Depending on what shape they featured, each kind of norigae offered a different kind of fortune:

Butterfly: Symbolizes good luck and longevity, and a life filled with happiness.
Coin Pouch: Symbolizes to bring the wearer prosperity and riches.
Gochu (Chili Pepper): Bringing hope to bear many sons or to ward off bad spirits with its spice. It turns out that the “gochu” is a phallic symbol and is modern slang for “penis.”

We grew up with many gochu norigaes in the house. Since our mom had two daughters, she probably thought that the chili pepper was just an important part of Korean cuisine. And those spicy chili peppers would still keep bad forces at bay. Personally, I choose to believe that Koreans just really like peppers, as evidenced in their food and their “spicy” and passionate temperament (known as “han”).

In the underground markets of Myeongdong, there were stores galore selling norigae of all shapes, sizes, and colors. While the bustling open-air shopping district pulsed during the day, the market below was a hidden respite with handicraft shops and cooler air. I bought a handful of those colorful tassels to bring back home and to give out as gifts to friends.

Photoshoot in a hanbok

Another special thing I did in Seoul was rent a hanbok, a traditional Korean dress, and have a photoshoot at Gyeongbokgung Palace. It was the perfect way to lean into my Korean roots here as well.

My first birthday celebration, the doljanchi

The last time I wore a hanbok was during my childhood. For my first birthday, my Omma put me in a rainbow hanbok and threw a doljanchi to celebrate it. Back then, infant mortality was quite high in Korea. So, when a baby made it to their first hundred days and eventually their first year, it was a big deal. Practiced since the Joseon period, the family would have a huge celebration for the baby, offering food and rituals. The baby would pick up an object that would predict their future. I don’t know what object I picked up. But wasn’t I cute?

Gyeongbokgung Palace was built in the year 1395 as the first royal palace of the Joseon Dynasty. It’s where the first modern script, Hangul, was invented. Over the centuries, parts of the palace have been destroyed and reconstructed from fires, wars, and even Japan’s colonization in 1910. Since then, there have been efforts to reconstruct more buildings and preserve the cultural site.

It rained during the day of the photoshoot, but the setting was still gorgeous. People still looked great in their finest hanboks. I even had my hair styled! If you’re going to Gyeongbokgung Palace, consider renting a hanbok and walking around like royalty. Doing so gives you free admission to the palace grounds. It’s rather budget-friendly, although the photoshoot was extra (I paid $100). You get a couple of hours to walk around as you please.

National Folk Museum of Korea

Afterwards, I went to the National Folk Museum of Korea to further understand how Koreans lived in the past and present. It shows exhibits and artifacts of rites of passage during a person’s life, and how the Japanese tried to destroy Korean culture (yet it prevailed), as well as detailing why education has been so important for citizens. These days, as South Korea modernizes, it has been taking on more Western influences. This museum preserves knowledge of how the traditional way of life has been like, while offering modern exhibits as well.

Walking in Bukchon Hanok Village

Close to the Gyeongbokgung Palace is the Bukchon Hanok Village. I spent hours walking through the labyrinth neighborhood of traditional Korean homes. Some buildings are shops, tea houses, and restaurants to peruse, and many others are private homes. If you’re visiting, try to talk in quieter voices as to not disturb the residents. The hills are quite steep, so bring good walking shoes!

The Markets in Seoul

There are three popular markets that I went to: Myeongdong, Namdaemun, and Gwangjang. Of the three, Gwangjang was my favorite. This sprawling market has several departments, such as an extensive food court offering Korean street food, souvenirs, more norigae, colorful fabrics to make custom hanboks, bedsheets, and more.

You can wander for hours among the shops. It was the perfect opportunity to flex my Korean skills, which tickled the shop owners. I ordered and bought things entirely in Korean. They would smile and tell me I speak pretty well. I consider that a win!

Going back home

A week really wasn’t enough time in South Korea. Still, Jess and I did what we needed to do, which was to see Imo. I can’t speak for Jess, but I thought this was a good start to healing what had been lost.

In the Incheon International Airport, there’s a small cultural center showcasing traditional Korean arts and crafts. The center offers workshops and programs for visitors, such as making small purses, paper jewelry boxes, and paper fans. There’s a gift shop and even a photobooth where people could try on a hanbok and take pics. It was one last taste of Korea before I departed.

Final thoughts of reconnecting with these Korean roots

South Korea has fought hard to get to where it is today. Now, “K-products” are in vogue. While no one seemed to know Korea’s existence while growing up, K-pop, K-beauty, and K-dramas are now considered a premium label. This recognition is well-deserved, and I’m glad that Korea is finally getting its moment in the spotlight. For example, K-Pop Demon Hunters is a world-renowned animation about three K-Pop singers fighting underworld demons to save the world and seal the Honmoon. The entire soundtrack is a banger, belting out upbeat lyrics about finding oneself and reconciling the shadow parts. Hit songs were blasting throughout Seoul, and apparently, the world.

I just hope that Korean culture more than just a trend, because we’re here to stay.

And as for me, no one can take away the missing pieces that I’ve picked up. It’s going to be a long road, and I have the rest of my life to reconnect with these lost parts now.

Violet Dreams Forever

Hello, dear readers and friends! It has been a hot minute. Life has been sailing at full speed ahead for the past few months. If you follow me on Instagram, I shared that I’m now in a serious relationship for the first time in many years! Finding someone who is as weird as I am is a powerful feeling, especially since we make an adorable space goth power couple with a cat.

In March, we packed for a move while I had back-to-back interviews for a content writing job–which I got! Between my new relationship, moving into a new place, and scoring a new job, I’ve been spiraling up (see what I did there?) in life. I’ll still share the usual vegan health, fashion, and creative space goth posts here. I’ve been making moves in life, and now I get to do it with someone nice.

My partner and I moved into our gorgeous new two-bedroom apartment back into the Central District. We each need our own bedrooms because we’re like that. We should normalize couples having their own space. There’s really nothing wrong with having good boundaries in a relationship, especially when it comes to having our own bedrooms! Besides, I really need a space of my own, a creative wonderland that’s mine alone.

For a long time, I have lived and breathed the black-purple-iridescent-rainbow combination. Somewhere I read that purple is the color of the creative eccentrics, the color of the individual weirdos that carve out a world of their own. (There are many different interpretations of this special color, however. It really depends on who in the world or in history you’re asking, as every culture and era has their own meaning.)

I knew that I needed to paint my new bedroom purple. Or violet, if you prefer to call it that.

Finding the perfect shade of violet

When it comes to painting supplies, I had the same drop cloth from my fine art background over the the years. Here are additional supplies that I needed:

Painter’s tape for clean, crisp edges around doors, ceilings, and windows. I used the green FrogTape, since it was more effective in keeping paint from seeping underneath like the typical blue painter’s tape does.
New roller brushes.
A new two-inch brush. This helps with applying paint around edges.
A few paint samples.
One gallon of paint in the color Quite Lilac by Sherwin Williams. The base of the paint is a flat Ovation Plus. I use flat for minimal shine. The clerk who mixed the color recommended this base because it gives off less stinky fumes for the bedroom—which is good since I’m sleeping in it.

My partner said that I should just leave it like this.

Then it was time to test the paint swatches! The last time I painted my room, I chose a deep teal color. I still have some of that paint left over, but it was too dark for my north-facing window. If I went with that color, the darkness would have made my room appear smaller and more cave-like—something I did not want to go for.

The other shades of purple had their merits, but what really stole the show was the shade Quite Lilac. This shade was cooler, but the warm glow of the lights would balance it out.

Pastel-goth vibes intensifying

I’ve been so in love with my new bedroom! When I get to have full creative control, that’s when I’m the happiness. Making a space from my own imagination may take a lot of time, but it’s so worth it.

The ever-changing art wall is especially important to me. Most of these paintings are made by me; some are from friends. I love arranging a cluster of paintings because they can be switched around when the time feels right, as paintings get sold, gifted, or replaced.

And finally, a little message in the mirror: “You are enough.” I wrote it over a year ago. Those words have survived two moves in a year with barely a smudge. I like to think that even a resilience of a message speaks volumes.

I love this new violet-purple bedroom. The color is the first thing I see when waking up and the last thing before switching off the lamp for the night. It’s a beautiful shade to immerse myself in while enjoying this new life that my partner and I building together.

2020 Reflections, 2021 plans

In 2020 someone posted, “Everyone needs more than what anyone can give right now.”

This surreal era feels as if time has stopped, stretching the entire year, one which felt like the longest in our entire lives. At first, we introverts thrived during quarantine–and then burnt out, as promises of the pandemic ending faded. We settled into this new normal, as protests for racial equality rose, people lost their jobs, wildfires blazed down the West Coast, we weathered through a nail-biter of an election, and as the pandemic went on.

Everyone needs more than what anyone can give right now.

Playing Animal Crossing offered an escape into an adorable virtual life.

If you’re like me, you probably coped with this new normal by making art and beautifying our city, baking bread, or even participating in a virtual ultramarathon. Maybe a solo socially distanced road trip is what you needed. (Looking at you, Oregon Coast! 😉 ) Or, in true quarantine fashion, you visited your friends’ islands in Animal Crossing, a virtual life where you plant flowers and talk to your cute animal friends.

If you just focused on surviving, I’m so glad you’re here. Even if we tried to make the most of this year, many of us slowed down especially as the year ended.

New beginnings in this new normal

From Ev’Yan Whitney’s Review Reflect Release 2020 workbook

I bought Ev’Yan Whitney’s Review Reflect Release for 2020, an introspective workbook of writing prompts to reflect upon life in the challenging year. It took a couple weeks to finish. After thoroughly writing out the Release section, it was time to let all of it go by cutting it up into sections and burning it. I rarely burn things, so this was a cathartic process.

Writing your intentions can be this simple.

My housemate shared about how he journals and updates lists every day. It can feel challenging to stay positive during these uncertain times. It helps to write down intentions, in addition to the free-writing I usually do. I sometimes lose sight of many good things in life. Writing a short gratitude list of what’s right offers some hope, which can help nudge action. I find that it makes small goals a little more tangible, especially when things feel so uncertain.

When I’m not writing, two things I ask myself are:

What can I control? (My breath.)
How can I live right now? (One day at a time.)

While life has slowed down a lot over here, maybe the ball is rolling more than I can see right now. For instance, I’ve been learning CSS, a front-end coding language I’ve always struggled with before. There are more big plans in the works, and it’s only January!

2020 was a doozy, and it’s understandable that folks really want to forget the whole year. But I think this one is worth remembering; it’s a hard lesson to learn from. We don’t want to go back to normal. So, we take what we learned and apply these lessons for the future.

What I’ve learned from living 10 years in Seattle

Life can spiral in weird ways, sometimes in the form of difficult yet necessary lessons. This is particularly true when you’re pouring your heart into making your life’s dream real.

Ten years ago, I arrived in Seattle with just a car full of my stuff. I didn’t know a soul, nor did I have a job lined up during the height of the recession. If you don’t know my backstory, my previous life in Virginia was fraught with severe interpersonal trauma for as long as I can remember. Back then, I was 23 years old and had hit the darkest point of my entire life. This 3,000-mile move was a last resort to redirect the way things were going. I was determined to flourish a life in the city of my dreams, one that would accept the gifts I have to offer.

Seattle offered a safe haven to foster healing and growth as a creative, vegan, feminist queer woman who has a penchant for cats and black coffee. I’ve fantasized about living here since I was 16 years old. I didn’t visit until I was 22, and it really was love at first sight. A year later, I visited again. Then I suddenly moved two weeks later–if I lost that window of time, then there would never be another opportunity to escape. Never have I a found a place that feels so much like home. Seattle may not be for everyone, and it can be a tough circle to crack at times, but this city still took me right in just like that.

My purposes of moving to Seattle were 1. to be an artist, and 2. to find inner peace and happiness.

It took many hard lessons while building a new life here.

Good things don’t come easy

Moving here was a terrifying decision–what if it doesn’t work out? Either way, it still came at a terrible price: I ended up losing everything in order to find my happiness.

It wasn’t pretty. My mental state was in deep shambles, and things got worse before they got better. I even teetered on homelessness, and slipped into addiction in multiple forms for a few years. It seemed like there was no end in sight.

Despite those hardships, the desire to build a life here stayed. I never once doubted that this is where I belong. Despite everything else, for the first time, I felt safe in this progressive city.

I kept going, and kept working to get on my feet. Eventually this enormous leap of faith of moving here brought great returns. I made more friends here than I ever had in my previous life, as I became involved in multiple communities. I sought help to work through my past and to make peace with it. This helped me muster up enough courage to circumnavigate the world on my own. One of my favorite galleries invited me to be a resident artist, a position I happily took for 2 1/2 years. I was truly beginning to find inner peace. Everything was coming true, as new dreams and ambitions unfolded.

You have to keep on keepin’ on, even when the odds are stacked against you. Take chances, make mistakes, and learn a thing…or several.

We spiral up in life

Now that another year has passed, I’ve returned to the same point in this life-spiral. The difference is that this point is on several new upper levels with more experience. We gently spiral up in life.

Here’s a list of life’s lessons that I learned in the past ten years. When your past has been difficult and dark, your view of the world may be bleak. Living that way was exhausting; that’s not how anyone operates by default. Moving to Seattle gave a second chance to return to myself.

When you finally realize that the best things (like love and inspiration, for instance) are actually abundant than scarce, you see that the world is actually not as a terrible place as you thought. The journey doesn’t stop there, though. Even though I come from a dark past, at least I learned so much and have a lot to be thankful for. Life’s so weird, and I like to think of it as an interesting ride. As a friend said, when you stagnate and your world shrinks, that’s when you start dying. And I prefer to live.

I learned that…

Intuition makes a better compass than logic.
There are more good people than bad people in the world. It’s the bad ones that really stand out and ruin it for everyone else.
It’s “espresso,” not “expresso.”
Emotions cannot be explained by logic.
Self-esteem and confidence must be built from the ground up; they cannot be given.
The beauty industry that promises weight loss, beauty, and other superficial things are exploiting your insecurities to make a profit. There was nothing wrong with you in the first place. You are fine just the way you are.
If you haven’t failed, then you haven’t tried hard enough.
Life isn’t full of despair when your mindset shifts from “scarcity” to “enough.”
People generally don’t keep score on favors you do for each other.
Fear is not love.
People are generally as afraid of judgment as you are.
Usually people don’t care about what you do because they’re busy focusing on themselves.
You can’t take everything people say seriously.
Don’t take things personally.
We live in context.
You can’t grow if you keep going through life avoiding mistakes.
People who hurt others habitually on purpose are often emotional black holes.
Never trust anyone who doesn’t have or show any vulnerabilities. When someone isn’t afraid of anything at all, it shows that they literally don’t care about anything but themselves in the end. They most likely have no integrity, either.
In the end, it’s not about never getting hurt. What matters more is how you manage the pain. Going through life without pain is not an option.
The kind of people and environment you attract generally depends on your emotional health and well-being.
A lot of times, people are not aware of what they’re doing. They can’t see what others can, even if it is really bad. They can’t see their own shadow.
We live in relation to each other in the grand scheme of everything else.
When your heart is broken, think about how many times it has happened in the past, especially if it was worse then. Now think about how many times it will happen in the future. This too shall pass, and it takes all the time it needs.
Deliberately suffering through life on the premise that it makes you stronger and tougher, when the option to live a happier and fulfilling one is easily available, is really no way to live at all.
Just gaining material knowledge doesn’t make you more intelligent. Intelligence is how you apply this knowledge to understand and comprehend the world around you.
People who talk a lot of shit are 1) doing it to make themselves feel better; and/or 2) self-loathing and can’t stand seeing others doing better than they are.
Living well really is the best revenge.
Two wrongs really don’t make a right. Don’t bring yourself down to the other person’s level, but rather try setting an example of how to be.
Embrace your quirks; they are the strongest traits you have.
You cannot accept responsibility for other people’s actions.
The closest people in your life should be the ones who help you grow the most. You should inspire and motivate each other to grow the way you’re meant to and become better people.
If you’ve seriously lost touch with who you really are (in other words, your soul), you can bring yourself back, but you can’t do it alone. You’ll need guidance for that.
Think about how hard it is to change yourself. Now think about how hard it is to try changing someone else.
Love can wait.
Life is not a contest.
“Normal” is relative.
In the end, you have to do the best you can with what you have.
When you break away from perfection, you become more creative and venture out further in your imagination.
No one can do everything alone. Humans are social beings and we all need each other.
That being said, make sure your needs are met first before meeting the needs of others.
There are no such thing as absolutes. Nothing is pure.
The world doesn’t end when you step out of rigid boundaries.
The world doesn’t end when a lot of things don’t go the way you intend them to.
People who don’t take responsibility for their actions are not worth your time or energy.
You have a right to feel your emotions and be in touch with them. If it’s a bad feeling, it needs to be respected and felt in order to pass through before you feel better.
You can set aside pain or bury it deep inside to forget, but that won’t set you free. The only way out is through.
Friends who discourage you from following your dreams are not really your friends, no matter how close they are.
There doesn’t have to be a yes or no answer to everything.
Sometimes, something can have two contradicting answers and still be valid.
Sometimes, there just isn’t an answer as to why something is.
And sometimes, people make up an answer under the premise that having one, even if it’s wrong, is better than not having an answer at all.
Over-apologizing annoys people. There was most likely nothing to be sorry about in the first place.
Don’t apologize if you don’t feel sorry.
It’s okay to be human, and it’s more than okay to have bodily functions and emotions.
It’s okay to want and need attention. Humans are hard-wired for it.
In the end it’s not about what has been lost, but rather what has been gained.
Being whole and secure in yourself requires being nurtured with love, respect, and compassion.
Perfectionism is one of the worst mentalities ever. All it does is stunt emotional and personal growth. Forgive your mistakes, learn from them, and move on.
People who gossip a lot do it because they don’t have rich inner lives of their own.
The cruelest people are most often the ones hurting the most.
Even if you never find your “soulmate,” it’s really not the end of the world. Another person doesn’t need to complete you, but rather augment your life.
Even though some great friendships can be brief, the impact they have in your life is significant and real. Silently thank them for their role in your life and move on.
Letting go of expectations makes life a lot more fun.
Patience is required to grow as a person, just like how you can’t yell at a plant to grow faster.
Things, decisions, views and perspectives, etc. don’t need to be a polarized binary. There can be a spectrum.
You can always take a break from something you love and come back to it anytime.
Self-healing cannot be rushed. It takes as long as it needs to take.
Everything will fall into place; it just takes patience.

An Interpretation of an Aura

Ever since I began my healing work from my lifelong trauma and Complex PTSD, there’s been a shift in my headspace. I feel more relaxed and less afraid. Friends have noticed how my overall energy has grown brighter over the past five years. I felt that it was time for a formal aura reading.

Aura Aura is a portrait practice that specializes in reading an individual’s energy fields, which are represented by a spectrum of colors in a one-of-a-kind photograph. It reveals the ethereal and mystical aspects on a visible medium. According to the website, aura colors can change under different life stories, feelings, circumstances, and different states of being.

How the process works

It’s recommended that you come into your appointment with a clear headspace, without being under the influence of anything such as drugs or alcohol. Mind-altering substances can give a bad aura reading; the colors may appear darker or muted in the photograph. With a clear mind, the colors of your energy are more apparent.

I was led into a geodesic dome, which is where the photograph took place. The studio manager sat me down and had put my hands on a pair of box-like energy readers. The whole process took seconds. The photograph was taken on instant peel-apart film.

How energy moves in our bodies

In ancient Hindu tradition or medicine, the seven chakras are the major energy centers in the body, spanning from the base of the spine (root chakra) to the top of the head (crown chakra). Each has a different color, vibrational energy, and function. Most of colors in the aura reading are connected to the seven chakras.

The positions and movement of auric energy

A chart explaining energy placement and movement

To start, this handy chart explains the placement of the vibrational energy and how it moves through a person in an auric photograph. The studio manager gave a formal reading of mine.

My very own aura reading: Colors have different vibrational energy

My aura is Violet and Indigo, with some Magenta, Pink and Blue.

As seen above, my aura is mostly Violet and Indigo, with splashes of Magenta, Pink, and Blue. There’s so much to interpret here. This comprehensive color guide explains what the colors mean in relation to energy, and I feel that many of them are synonymous.

Starting from the right side of the photograph, it shows the receptive Blue energy going inward. Blue is indicative for someone with natural intuition with a penchant for deep personal relationships. This is a calm energy that leans more towards sensitive introverts like myself. People with this energy prefer solitude and quieter spaces for deep reflection and introspection.

Next, there’s an arch spanning over the center, which represents the present. Indigo is described as an empathetic vibrational energy for the intuitive and feeling types of people. With this energy, a person is a seeker and views the world bigger than themselves. They strive to understand the complexities of life and the universe. Violet, the visionary aura, is similar to Indigo. People with Violet energy have progressive ideas and high hopes, as they lead humanity towards a brighter future. (I’m not sure about the leadership part, but it’s fun to think about.)

The center leads to the left side of the photo, representing recent past energy going outward. Here we see magenta and pink. Magenta energy is described as creative, high-energy, free-spirited, and eccentric, yet possibly misunderstood. People with a Magenta aura need to freely express themselves. (That’s very true with me.) There’s also a Pink aura, which is rare. A Pink aura is known to be loving, gentle, and kind; it is a healing energy.

The colored energy over the throat (Indigo again) is indicative of how a person communicates. Finally, the heart center shows the energy coming from the heart space (Magenta here).

How much truth is in an aura reading?

I’m sure some of you are skeptical, especially when you lean towards a scientific or empiricist mindset. When I first heard about the seven chakras, I felt a little doubtful as well. Over the course of my own healing work, however, I began to open up to the idea. It doesn’t mean that you have to believe in it a hundred percent; you can take it with a grain of salt and still respect the chakra system.

The aura readings provided are a start for self-discovery and can provide a map of where your energy is in this moment in time. While it might be vague and seen as New Age-y, they can be seen as a tool for your energy. The rest of the interpretation is up to you and where you want to go with it.

Art and love in the time of coronavirus

Ever since our Washington State governor enforced the COVID-19 lockdown, many businesses have boarded up their windows with plywood, casting a ghost-like feel through the empty and listless streets.

This eerie feeling isn’t the beloved city or the world we know. Everyone would agree that not a lot of good comes from a global disaster such as a pandemic. In times like these, however, sometimes it inspires people to band together (while social distancing!) and put some cheer back into the city. Our job as artists has been making the world a more beautiful place to be, so we turned the streets into one big art gallery.

On taking a creative risk with David Bowie

In this lifestyle blog, I post about the things that bring joy. My art is on a different website, because it has a mind of its own. I still felt a strong need to contribute and write about the experience—this is our city, the one that I’ve truly felt home in the most.

The creative agency who brought this beautiful outdoor gallery all together is Overall Creative. They asked for a David Bowie portrait to celebrate the LGBT spirit on Broadway. I’ve never painted anything this large before. Since it’s my first mural, I learned that, while taking risks might seem scary, it’s how you grow. Your soul stretches into new horizons and abilities to be discovered. And it’s not just in art; it applies to life.

This experience was incredibly rewarding because it felt like being at one with the city with all these other artists. I got to contribute something that others enjoy, and it exists alongside the work of other wonderful local artists.

A visual treat in the city

The other day, I took a stroll through Capitol Hill to see what other vibrant artwork graced the streets. And, my friends, here’s a visual treat.

This one and the next is done by Genevieve St, Charles-Monet, also known as @goldsuit

Done by Ariel Parrow, a.k.a. @thechaoticaquatic

Mural on Broadway by @rainbow_tay_tay_tay

Mural done by Kalee Bly Choiniere (@barelyawakekalee)

Artist unknown. If someone knows who did this one, please leave a comment.

Rainbow florals by Glynn Rosenberg (@glynnrosenberg)

Mural by Sean Evergreen (@sean_evergreen)

Collaboration between Crystal Barbre (@crystalbarbre) and Casey Weldon (@caseyweldon)

These murals will be up at least until May 5, when the stay-home order has been lifted. Be safe, and enjoy this beautiful outdoor gallery while it lasts!

Life

Of Lemon Trees and Coronavirus on Earth Day

When life gives you lemons, you grow trees out of them

Happy Earth Day! By now it’s the 50th anniversary. Earth Day is a reminder of steps and actions that we take in order to protect the environment. It’s a weird time right now, since the COVID-19 pandemic has the whole world on lockdown in order to stop the spread of the novel virus. While the pollution seems to have cleared up since we can’t really go anywhere, it’s still a dark time for many folks. If you want to liven up your quarantine a little bit, then consider sprouting a lemon tree from a seed. It’s a great way to celebrate Earth Day as well.

How to grow a lemon tree

Lockdown is hard for many. I find that nurturing plants with love and care makes it a little more bearable. You can easily do that with seeds from a lemon.

Make sure the lemon is organic. If it’s non-organic, chances are that it has been genetically engineered to be a dud. Organic Meyer lemons are good to get seeds from.
Wash the seed throughly to get all the sugar, juice, and pulp off. Keep it wet, and don’t let it dry.
In a 3-inch pot with fertile soil, make a half-inch dent in with your finger. Drop the seed in and cover it with soil.
Put plastic wrap over it and secure it with a rubber band. Poke holes with a pencil so that it ventilates.
Keep the pot in a sunny spot.
In a couple of weeks, a green sprout should emerge.
Remove the plastic wrap and gently drip water on it to keep it moist.
When it has grown enough, transfer to a bigger pot. I put it in a 5-inch pot before transferring again.
Keep watering your new baby lemon tree, and make sure the soil is damp.

There are some precautions to take in order to protect your tree. Once the leaves sprout more, the tree doesn’t like too much direct sunlight. The leaves slowly turned into an unsightly pale green color, or even white in the sun. The answers online seemed to be conflicting on what it could be. My guess in this case was sunburn. I took the plant inside and kept out of direct light. It does seem to react well with a purple grow light, however. Other than that, the tree seems to be resistant to bugs and pests.

It’s also not clear if this tree will produce lemons of its own. From what I could gather, it takes a few years before it forms flowers.

This tree ended up growing 18 inches in a year! I was thrilled every time it sprouted a new set of leaves. Then it slowed down by quite a bit, probably because there’s no more room in the pot for the roots to keep growing. Pretty soon I’ll need to transfer it yet again.

Put figurines in your pots to liven them up

The young tree gives you more oxygen, and you get something nice to liven up your home. It’s a win-win situation. Let me know how growing a tree was for you!

The Happiest Place on Earth

Disneyland: Another thing off the bucket list

Last Wednesday, my best friend, Brad, and I went to the happiest place on earth that is known as Disneyland. It was my first time there. He also introduced me to his sweet parents and their cat, as well as his nieces. (I’ve already met his older twin sisters before.) I’ve been waiting for this for so long, and we finally made it happen.

My BBF Brad

It wasn’t just about going to Disneyland; it was about meeting his family as well. I playfully ribbed Brad about bringing on the adoption paperwork.

Brad is like a brother to me. Our friendship confuses people, since we used to date. While it didn’t work out, what we had turned into something better. Now we are practically siblings.

Even introverts want to belong

The desire to belong is a universal human need. When I grew up in a traumatic environment, I had to learn to be independent as a survival mechanism. There was a sense that I didn’t need to belong to anyone in order to survive, which stemmed from some mistrust of others. Keeping others at an arm’s length felt like a safer option, at least on the surface. On the other side of the coin, there was a growing sense of emptiness from the same belief of not belonging to others. I don’t have much of a base family, which left me feeling untethered and disconnected in the past. But after meeting his family, I felt grounded in a way that has never existed before.

Laugh until you can’t breathe

We went on most of the rides, and it has been so long since I laughed so hard, the kind of laughing that moves you to your core until you can’t breathe. It’s like my inner child got to come out. As adults, we often forget to tend to that part of ourselves.

I even tried Dole Whip for the first time! It’s a favorite among vegans in Disneyland, and lately it has had a cult-like following. It was so good, that we had it twice.

There were times where the crowds made me hide in my own head like a turtle. Brad noticed and had a way of getting me back to earth. Being around crowds can be tough, and I’m still slowly working on that.

We can choose our family, too

While this was a two-day whirlwind trip, it has still impacted me in such a positive way. I’ve met Brad’s family, and it was such a lifting experience. I feel more grounded and connected with a sense of community. What was missing before was found in California, and now I get to keep it with me.

Life

The Future Is Female

I am as powerful as a man. And it drives them crazy.

– Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-NY

I love women. It’s International Women’s Day and it brings immense joy when the world stops and celebrates women. A hundred years ago, the 19th Amendment passed, granting women the right to vote. Fifty years ago, the Equal Pay Act was passed (though, it doesn’t seem to be in effect much). In 2012, the Affordable Care Act went into effect, requiring most health insurance companies to cover birth control and contraceptives as preventative care. Although we still have a long way to go, we are seeing more strong and bright women taking back power and influencing the world than ever before.

I grew up in a very conservative environment, where feminism was an unspeakable concept and where women were defined by their relationships to the men in their lives. Where I grew up, it was more acceptable for a woman to hate herself than to own her power. The patriarchal society was in fear of women, so they had to control us. What broke my heart the most was that even other women fell prey to this belief, and even went so far as to police any girl or woman who dared to be unapologetically herself. In their eyes, a woman’s fire must be snuffed out. Strong women were seen as threats to a well-ordered society.

I hope they will see how women make the world go around. We need more strong women in our world. Women are intelligent, intuitive, nurturing, compassionate, and just as powerful as men. With more strong women on the rise, it’s looking more promising that the future is female.

Real women lift each other up

I mustered the courage to leave for a more progressive environment, like Seattle–even among resistance in that patriarchal society. I’ve done many incredible things in life, and that fortitude didn’t come from nowhere. Despite the environment I grew up in, here are a few of the incredibly powerful women in my life who shaped the person I have become today.

Aunt Lori

Aunt Lori is my father’s sister, known to be the most important female figure in my life. She’s like a mother to me, and I value her the most. She works hard, and always lives compassionately and fully. Unwavering and unapologetic, she is one who leads by example, always lifting other women up instead of tearing them down. She comes to other women’s defense and will fight for them. My beautiful aunt always means what she says and says what she means. I’m extremely lucky to have her in my life. Sometimes, when I’m in a tough spot, I ask, “what would Aunt Lori do? Aunt Lori would always give her best and never half-ass anything.” Her importance in my life cannot be underestimated.

Alexis

Alexis is a tough motherfucker. Not too long ago, she beat breast cancer with her enthusiasm and her solid can-do attitude. Armed with her razor-sharp wit, a strong drive, and a zest for life, she showed cancer who’s boss. That aside, nothing makes her happier than succeeding and seeing her friends win at life as well. While she seems fun and easy-going, Alexis is sharp as a tack and misses nothing. She is highly creative, an excellent artist, and loves doing her best at work in escrow. Her high confidence is both inspiring and empowering, as is her loyalty as a friend. I am so fortunate to have her in my life.

Lesli

Lesli is a high-powered attorney at the law firm I once worked at. Aside from winning cases, she’s also the front woman of her punk rock band, Skates!. What really drew me to her is her positive attitude towards life. She’s a charismatic go-getter with a firm belief that anything is possible as long as you put your mind to it. Her energy is radiant and infectious, and just being around her makes me feel empowered as well. Every goal I’ve had, she always had faith in me, which is exactly how women should treat each other. She’s a good balance of power and compassion, and she owns it fully. We have many things in common, such as cats, art, and vegan food. (She also has a beautiful white cat named Pilot who could have his own blog entry.) Above all, Lesli is the kind of person I strive to be; we could all learn from someone like her.

Kittie

The name of the band, I know. The name Kittie first caught my attention, since it’s widely known that I’m obsessed with cats. In the year 2000, I was drawn to darker music and fashion, and Kittie lured me with their spiked collars, heavy guitar riffs, and Morgan Lander’s screaming vocals. Their passion in music is something to be reckoned with. In a male-dominated music industry, this band pushed through a lot of sexism and even lawsuits. They made their music even heavier as a way of pushing back. They never compromised who they were and always stayed true to themselves. As strong female role models, they showed me to be strong even when the odds were stacked against me. This was important, when I was growing into an age where girls’ voices were starting to be taken away from them. I went to nearly every show when they were playing in town. In my early twenties, I took an opportunity to be in one of their music videos. I made sure to thank them for shaping me into the person I am today.

Who run the world? Girls.

There are countless other powerful women who have been role models in my life. I’m honored to know and be friends with so many of them.

Although our society has come a long way, there is still a lot of work to be done. In the meantime, we should treat every day like it’s International Women’s Day so that real change can fall further into place.

Life

Teal Is the Warmest Color

A bed with many pillows next to a colorful lamp in a teal bedroom

Breathing in new life into an old room

An off-yellow Craftsman home with bushes and a white picket fence under a snowfall. — Our beautiful Little Yellow House in a winter wonderland

I’ve lived in the same house for the past 4 1/2 years. The entire time, the four beige walls of my bedroom were my companions while I slept. I’m a firm believer of changing one’s environment to reflect one’s personality, but at the same time, the idea of forfeiting my security deposit kept me confined with a bedroom that didn’t feel like my own.

Since it’s a new year, a change is necessary. After traveling to Europe and Santa Fe, a new spark of inspiration struck. Many of the places I’ve been to were so colorful and full of life, and I didn’t want to go back home. That inspiration stuck with me, and I fantasized of painting my bedroom a bold, jewel-toned teal. It’s like taking some of my travels back home with me in a spiritual way.

The effects of last year are still sinking in. I’ve spent all of last month slowly going through my belongings, one section at a time. Like everyone else who watched the Netflix special, “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo,” I’ve been KonMari-ing my life. This means saying goodbye to things that no longer serve me.

And so it begins…

A hand holding a teal paint sample and a color card.

So, I went to Lowe’s, got some paint samples, and began to lay new ground by painting my bedroom a beautiful shade of teal.

It always takes longer than expected

Painting a 10×10-foot room is more expensive than I had expected. The costs came to about $50 total, and that was for a gallon of paint ($25) and a roll of painting tape ($9), as well as a painting starter kit ($15) that included a brush, a pan, and a roller. (And don’t forget the sales tax!) Thank goodness there was already some leftover drop cloth from a previous paint job I did back in 2013. The painting tape I used was Frog Tape, instead of the blue painter’s tape. It’s more effective in keeping paint from seeping underneath the tape, so lines are cleaner.

Painting a room that small is also more time-consuming than I had anticipated–I thought it could be done in a day. Because it’s the winter, the paint takes longer to dry in cold weather. It also took three coats for the walls to be evenly colored. Maneuvering the furniture around was like a puzzle, and at one point, everything was blocking the door! So, I had to finish the walls, so that I could get out.

Does it spark joy?

An organized closet filled mostly with black clothes — My closet is an organized sea of black with the occasional splash of color

I deep-cleaned the floor, both of my closets, and filled up only two trash bags with clothes and other things that no longer sparked joy. The KonMari method involves putting all of your clothes in a big pile on the bed, and whatever sparks joy gets to stay. If it doesn’t, it goes into a trash bag. An important step in the process is to thank the item of clothing that no longer serves you. It is a way of having closure with the item.

A black baroque-framed mirror with a plant and a lamp that looks like brain neurons in a teal bedroom

The same can apply for other things in life, such as painful memories, friendships that have failed, and things that no longer carry a significant meaning. I made it a point to embrace them, thank them for their purpose, and let it go. Holding on takes so much more energy, which could be directed towards more creative endeavors.

It’s time to move on

A pink handmade lamp next to a plant in a teal bedroom

I rearranged the furniture back to where it belongs, and then it was time to clean everything up and put it all away. My roommate lent me her smudge stick. While I’m not religious and am skeptical of the “woo-woo,” it doesn’t mean I’m not open to all of it. So, I slowly and mindfully saged my bedroom, clear with intentions to snuff out whatever lingering bad energy was left. That’s what matters more: setting intentions.

A cluster of colorful framed artwork and wall decorations on a teal wall.

After everything was in its right place, I looked around my newly painted teal bedroom. The feeling is reminiscent to falling in love. It’s the perfect time to have created a new setting, as the halfway point between winter and spring has passed. It’s time for new beginnings.

Close-up of colorful paintings and wall decorations on a teal wall. — Wall decorations from Thailand

Two years ago, I was heavy into planning that life-changing trip around the world, as an effort to jump-start a stagnated life. Then, I survived the trying test of last year. Now I am pulling out even more old roots to sow new seeds, in order to once again grow something amazing.

A quirky made bed with lots of pillows next to a colorful lamp in a teal bedroom

This year is already full of new beginnings. There’s new work with a new team, I’m making new art for a show, and now I have a new teal bedroom. It was snowing in Seattle while I painted, but our magnolia tree has grown tight little buds… A reminder that spring always comes.