The Second Month of 2018

Just in case you feel badly about yourself or your capabilities, remember that you circumnavigated the world on your own.

-My therapist

In the past month:

  1. My grandma died
  2. My temp job ended and it has been difficult securing another full time job.
  3. My relationship ended.
  4. I’ve had to come to terms with something traumatic that happened to me 3 years ago.

The present:

It could always be a lot worse. I know. Experience has shown that when things don’t work out, it’s often a push towards something better. I’m still sad from it all. I think these feelings must be worked through in order to move on.

The future:

I’m going to most likely encounter some estranged family members at my grandma’s birthday celebration in March, which I am apprehensive about. My therapist says I got this. Perhaps we can all have a fresh start.

What a start to the new year.

We are in the second month of 2018. If you made any resolutions, how are you holding up? What have you accomplished so far? What amazing stuff have you done already? If you’re like me, self-care would be your Number One priority, especially when shit has hit the fan.

I don’t really make New Year’s Resolutions anymore, despite having kept most of them. Many times, a lot of new habits for self-improvement kick in around the middle of the year. But now that I’m going through a difficult time, self-care while formulating an action plan is absolutely necessary.

The only resolution I made was to quit sugar for the entire month of January. (A friend brought up a very good point: do I mean just vegan desserts, or added sugar? Sugar is ubiquitous, occurring even in salad dressing and soy milk. In this case, I meant vegan sweets and desserts.) It’s not the first time I have quit consuming something. Several years back, I became 90% gluten-free for six months. I have to say that I never noticed a difference in mostly eliminating gluten from my diet. But giving up sugar has produced some subtle changes in my mood after about 6 weeks.

After January ended, I had a few desserts in the first 2 weeks of February. They made me feel a little bit sick, and there was that sugar hangover that hangs like a dark depressive cloud for days after. So, I decided it’s a good idea to eliminate sugar indefinitely. Maybe I’ll have a dessert once a month, but it’s clear that any more than that has adverse effects.

Somewhere I have read that it takes a minimum of 21 days to enforce a new habit, but I’m pretty sure that many people agree that it takes much longer than that. When I quit alcohol, it actually took months before the benefits of sobriety began to settle in.

As an aside, my brother from another mother and I have been 18 months sober now. Halfway through the year, we decided it was best that I stopped drinking, and he quit with me. This is the longest I have been without alcohol since 2010. What was once seen as a life sentence, we now embrace as a lifetime commitment.

I also have been getting back on track with meditation, drawing, and even journal writing. I still run, and really want to do a third marathon. (Right now I cannot justify the costs of the expensive race fees.) Even keeping my living space neat and tidy has been helpful. Self-care is my main priority now. Everything else falls into place after taking care of myself first. Then, my life will get back on track. In the meantime, I get to send my carefully crafted resume and cover letters out to potential employers.

In the past, I was fearful of being in between jobs and viewed romantic relationships that didn’t work out as a reflection of how I failed. But now I can see that some things just aren’t meant to be. Experience has shown that if something doesn’t work out or open up, then maybe it’s not your path. As for my grandmother, I am glad she had lived a long, fruitful, and blessed life. She was the sweetest lady and I miss her.

Take a deep breath…

You will get through this.

Can You Stay for Vegan Brunch?

It’s dark, it’s cold, it’s winter. I don’t know about you, but when winter rolls around, my body craves heavier food. I love cooking for people and sharing my home to friends for a good meal. And my favorite meal is vegan brunch.

When I first went vegan, one of the first things I’ve learned to make was tofu scramble. Even though I never really cared for scrambled eggs, this vegan version is still packed with protein and vitamins without the cholesterol.

Tofu is such a versatile staple in a vegan diet. Its bland flavor is perfect for absorbing whatever flavor you put into it. The turmeric gives it the yellow color, while the other seasonings bring out the flavor profile of the scramble. The secret ingredient is nutritional yeast, which gives it that egg-y and cheesy flavor that very much mimics scrambled eggs. You can even toss in mushrooms, or kale like I did here.

And what is a vegan brunch without some kind of potato side? Regular potatoes are still delicious, but what I’m really into are sweet potatoes. They are packed with beta-carotene, an antioxidant and precursor to Vitamin A. I never get tired of sweet potatoes, especially when they come in different colors! The purple ones are worth a shot; the flavor is a bit more mild than their orange cousins.

Tofu Scramble

You will need:

  • 1 16 oz. package of tofu
  • 1 teaspoon of salt
  • 1 teaspoon of garlic powder
  • 1 teaspoon of onion powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon of turmeric
  • 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper
  • 1/4 cup of nutritional yeast
  • 2 tablespoons of coconut oil
  • fistful of kale

Heat coconut oil in a pan on medium heat. With clean hands, crumble the tofu into the pan. First, add the salt and stir to mix evenly. Then add the garlic powder, onion powder, turmeric, and black pepper and stir throughout the tofu. Cook for 10 minutes. Then add the nutritional yeast and mix thoroughly again for another 5 minutes.

Finally, add the kale. Stir for 5 minutes to break it down a little. Then it’s done.

Sweet Potato Hash

You will need:

  • 3 cups of cubed sweet potatoes
  • 1/2 shallot, diced.
  • 2 tablespoons of coconut oil
  • 1 teaspoon of salt, divided into 2 half-teaspoons
  • 1 tablespoon of rosemary

Heat the coconut oil in another pan on medium heat. Throw in the shallot and 1/2 teaspoon of salt, which will help draw the water out of the shallot. Stir for 3 minutes until caramelized. Add the cubed sweet potatoes and stir in the other 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Be sure to coat it all in oil. Cover the pan with a lid, as the steam will help cook the potatoes. Stir occasionally for 15 minutes.

Add the rosemary and stir occasionally for 5 more minutes. Keep the pan covered when you’re not stirring. The potatoes are done when they are easily pierced with a fork.

The tofu scramble and the sweet potato hash make the perfect pair. It goes well on top of toast. If you take condiments as seriously as I do, marinara or Sriracha hot sauce compliment it beautifully. I hope you enjoy this vegan brunch! Bon appétit!

2017 Year in Review

Despite the fact that the current events in the world have taken a dark turn, 2017 has been one of the most critical years of my entire life. This year has been an emotional one bursting with growth, new experiences, and new adventures. There were challenges where I made the decision to power through and come out the other side as a brand new person. Many things happened this year, so here are some of most important from this year:

Womxn’s March

What a weird time this is now. The only good thing that came out of the devastating results of the 2016 election was seeing practically the whole city band together for the Seattle’s Womxn’s March, as a demonstration of resisting our current administration. It has made me more focused on current events, because now more than ever, it is so important to be in the know.

The Birth of Coming Full Spiral

My blog came to life in March of this year! I have been a visual artist my entire life and decided to try my hand in writing and social media. This meant learning WordPress, the platform on which the blog is run on. Learning the ins and outs of this complex platform definitely led to some all-nighters. Like any new thing, experience grows the more you practice something. I have even started a new Instagram and Facebook page for this project as a way to gain experience with social media. I will always be an artist. It turns out that I also have a knack in writing and documenting.

Selling My Car

A necessary thing to do before traveling was to sell my beloved Nissan Sentra I had since I was 16. It was the first and only car I have ever owned. It made many things possible in my life. That car got me across the country, which was a 3,000 mile drive, to start a new life in Seattle. It safely got me to Burning Man and back four times. I have given many rides and have made many friends in that car. And now it’s time to move on. I can always get another one. The last time I heard about it, the new owner has been enjoying the ride.

Being 30 Years Old

I start my age with a 3 now. Where most people dread becoming older, I gladly embrace it. The clarity that comes with age is worth the aging of physical appearance. I tore through my manic-depressive twenties like a whirlwind, so my 30th year was welcomed with open arms. To celebrate, I spent my birthday week in Iceland, where I frolicked around Reykjavik. So far, being 30 has treated me well. There’s a sense of confidence and ease that can be absent when you’re younger. I am looking forward to what life is like at age 40.

Circumnavigating the World

What was once an insane idea beyond my wildest dreams 2 1/2 years ago manifested into reality on April 19, 2017. The purpose of the trip was to confront my PTSD, Avoidant Personality Disorder, and social anxiety by circumnavigating the world solo. Upending the stagnation of my existence in a life overhaul was no easy feat, and it took a lot of planning, coordination, and bravery in the face of many anxiety storms. Starting in South Africa, I kept working my way east to Southeast Asia, before making the final stop in New Zealand. Upon completion, I emerged as a brand new person on the other side. The journey had many firsts, many realizations, many new friendships, many accidents, broken ribs, and an earth-shattering heartbreak–all of which spurred changes and growth in me. It was the journey of a lifetime which I look back very fondly, including the bad parts. Those are just as important, because they help build character.

Cheering on Alexis, Because Fuck Cancer

Halfway through my trip around the world, I received devastating news that my best friend, Alexis, has Stage 2 breast cancer. But her tenacious optimism and fighting spirit have gotten her through the completion of chemotherapy. Witnessing her unwavering positive attitude was inspiring, and it served as a reminder that we all have a choice on our attitude to what life throws at us. The good news is that her prognosis looks good, even though there will be lots of monitoring and tests in her future. We are all so, so very happy for her recovery.

Slowly Dipping Back into Visual Art

My entire life, I have been a visual artist before starting this new blog. So, my art making has been put on hold all year, until fall rolled around. And so, I participated in and completed Inktober, which was doing one ink drawing a day for all 31 days of October. I also painted a cupcake and submitted it to Ghost Gallery for their annual miniature art show. It was the only painting I completed all year. I learned a couple weeks ago that it sold!

Running a Half Marathon

I have been running for most of my life, and lately my long runs have been at near half marathon distance. So, I decided to sign up for the half version of the Seattle Marathon. The winter blues had really gripped me, and although doing races isn’t the most cost effective method for fighting them, it was something I wanted to do. Was it getting the finisher’s medal in the end? That’s part of it. It was also the camaraderie that I have missed, being part of something that everyone else is going through and cheering each other on.

Witnessing Visionary Artist, Alex Grey, Paint Live

Since about age 16, the visionary artist, Alex Grey, has been one of my inspirations to me. While I couldn’t quite understand it at first, it eventually led me to embrace my own voice and style as a psychedelic surrealist artist. Alexis and I saw Alex Grey and his wife, Allyson, give an artist talk about their creative processes and the spiritual transcendence capture in their work. A smooth transition gave way to a magical dance party filled with live art, DJs, and performances. While the two artists painted on the stage, Alex turned around and we locked eyes. I smiled and it was as though he could see right through me as he returned one of the warmest smiles expressing full acknowledgement. To quote The Great Gatsby of what that was like:

He smiled understandingly–much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced–or seemed to face–the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.

I don’t usually make New Year’s Resolutions anymore, even though I’m pretty good on keeping most of them. This year was focused on turning a new leaf, and the lesson I have taken from it will continue to be applied into the future. It has been a strange and wonderful ride, filled with elation and heartbreak. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Here is a sound track from 2017 that can be played on Spotify. I curate one of these every year.

2018 will be built on this new person I have become. I can feel it.

Winter Self-Care Guide

Now that winter is officially here, so is an old friend of mine, otherwise known as Seasonal Depression. My usual depression lingers throughout the year. While I have ways to cope with it, it hits extra hard in the dark winter months like it does to many people. So, I have decided to compile a winter self-care guide of things that can help get through these grey days.

Hosting or attending holiday parties

My family is scattered throughout the country and I’m usually cat sitting for someone, so it can get lonely sometimes. Although I consider myself to be an ardent introvert, making time for cozy indoor nights with my favorite people is one of the few things that keeps my spirit alive during the dark months. Last weekend, the roommates and I hosted a holiday gathering at our Little Yellow House, inspired by the concept of hygge. Hygge is a Danish word describing a feeling or a setting as cozy, charming, or special. Cooking warm and hearty meals for people is one of my favorite things to do, and seeing so many friends under one roof was really what everyone needed.

A sun lamp

Seattle has a reputation for being a rainy city, but it’s actually pretty dry from late spring to October. The rains start in November and extend through March or April. Now that the Winter Solstice and the longest night have passed a couple days ago, the days are now gradually increasing. However, because Seattle is a little further up in latitude, the changes in night and day are more drastic. The sun starts going down around 2:00 in the afternoon, and by 4:00, it’s dark.

Fortunately, there is a remedy for that! In the fall of 2013, I finally caved in and bought a sun lamp. Use it in the morning for a boost. Avoid using it in the evening, because the influx of serotonin might keep you up. It’s more effective yet milder than coffee. That being said, the effectiveness of consistent use of this sun lamp is similar to building a tolerance to caffeine. The difference is that you don’t get those awful headaches if you suddenly stop using it, like quitting caffeine can do. It still gives a jump start to your day. It might put you in a silly mood or give you weird dreams the first couple of nights as your brain gets used to it.

Avoiding sugar

I know. It’s the holidays, and everyone is making and giving sweets to give to their loved ones. (Vegan cupcake, anyone?) While it’s totally reasonable to have one or two vegan treats, it’s better to opt for those with no sugar added, such as this hot cocoa recipe I discovered during my time in New Zealand. Adding cinnamon can bring out the natural sweetness of that drink. I love, love, love sugary vegan treats and will eat them on occasion, but they still disrupt my brain chemistry. They make my head clouded up with existential dread, so I have to really limit how much I consume.

Avoiding alcohol

What I initially viewed as a life sentence is now a lifetime commitment when it comes to not imbibing on what were once my favorite alcoholic beverages. Like sugar, alcohol can also be hard to avoid, especially when everyone else is having it. It can feel like you’re the odd one out when you’re not drinking. But I will say that not having any alcohol is best for my mental health. We all know that it’s a depressant. If you are prone to depression, consuming might feel like an antidote at first, but eventually it catches up to you. Giving up alcohol was probably one of the best things I have ever done for my mental health. Now I’m addicted to La Croix sparkling water.

Exercising more

There is something about running in the winter that moves me. (Pun intended.) It’s the crisp air we inhale, the pleasant cool feeling through our lungs. Not everyone likes to exercise in the cold, but your body warms up as you move more. For me, my running mileage increases in the winter in order to compensate for the lack of sun. A run can go 8, 9, 10 miles at a time these days. The endorphin high is the sweet prize at the end. Going this long is just what I do, but even 30 minutes of exercise gives a boost. You will never regret a workout.

Taking a bath

I don’t always take baths. But when I do, I drop in a bath bomb from Lush. It’s like a glittery fragrant alka-seltzer in your bath so that you can relax and unwind. It may not be the most cost-effective method to fight seasonal depression, but every once in a while, you gotta treat yo’self. You come out feeling so fresh and new!

Meditating

I used to be pretty skeptical about meditation, thinking it was a “woo-woo” technique reserved for new-age hippies. It wasn’t until my therapist suggested it almost three years ago that I decided to try it out and see what the hot fuss was. While it took a bit to get the hang of, I have to say that it actually does help! What was once something I laughed at is now something I can’t live without. It has helped me become more mindful of my state of being, even going so far as alleviating symptoms of PTSD.

I use the Headspace app on my phone for guided meditations. There are different packages you can choose from. (I am currently using the Depression package.) There’s a 10 day free trial you can use if you’re interested. Once those 10 days are up, you have the option of purchasing a subscription. Andy (the voice of Headspace) won’t try to upsell you by making you give your credit card information before you start your trial, so you really have nothing to lose. You must complete the Foundation package before you unlock the others. It’s worth a shot.

Writing down what you are grateful for

This is so critical for winter self-care. The dark and cold days can give a sense of a bleak mindset, and there is a way to counteract that. Instead of focusing on what is missing in your life, try to write down on what you do have. Shifting your focus towards gratitude really can go a long way. It can help open you up more. In turn, you become more receptive of what is going well in your life. Even if it’s just a list, it is something.

Creative exercises

Physical exercise can make you more in tune with your body, but creative exercises can make you  more at one with your playful spirit. Whether it be drawing, painting, writing poetry, or even free-writing, I think it’s important to take some time to let your mind let loose with ideas. When we are creative we feel as if the world and all that is in it is vibrantly alive. When doing creative exercises, try not to focus too hard on what you’re doing. Ideas are like a willful bird. If you try forcing them, they fly away. But when you are present, they flow through you more easily. Some of my best artwork has been done this way.

If you try any of these winter self-care strategies, do leave a comment on what worked for you. Do you have any of your own that you enjoy? I would love to hear about it! Happy Winter!

Half Marathon: 13.1 Miles Is Better than None

Yesterday was the Seattle Marathon, where you have to be a little crazy to get up at 5:00 AM to run 26.2 miles, or if you opted for a half marathon like I did, 13.1 miles.

Running a half marathon is actually not all that bad. I think most people can do it. Running a full marathon does require more effort and commitment. (I have run two races.) There is something about running past 20 miles that makes you retreat to the darkest corners of your mind.

I signed up for the Seattle Half Marathon on a whim two weeks ago, so I didn’t formally train for the race. My long runs were almost at half marathon distance anyway. Running is one of the things that keep me sane, especially in the winter months. My mental health is directly linked to how much exercise I get. It drives me insane if I don’t run.

A long run for no particular reason can extend to 8 or 9 miles these days. If I’m feeling particularly good, I can go up to 12 miles. Where running was once used to escape my own anxiety, it is now used to be more in tune with my body.

Although I have been running since age 13, I’m not exactly what you call athletic, nor am I very fast. What I lack in speed, I make up for in distance covered. And the distances I run help clear my head, which is something I’ve grown to enjoy. When I first started running, I never dreamed of actually being able to finish a marathon. It sounded like something that only the elite do–not a shy creative type like me. But I learned that you don’t have to be the fastest; you just need to keep pushing to finish what you have worked hard for. For me, running has been something as an escape from my own anxieties by silencing them with endorphins, the sweet reassuring opiate high that everything is right in the world.

It wasn’t until I entered college that I took running more seriously. To be honest, I did not like it then. I only did it back then to purposefully keep myself thin because of low self-esteem, but I never regretted a workout because of the satisfaction it gave afterwards. So, I kept at it and forced myself to run at least 4 times a week. (4 is my favorite number.) The satisfaction of having made the goal for the day was what kept reinforcing the habit of putting my shoes on and getting out there. And I was starting to like what I was seeing and feeling. So, three years later, I joined a training team to complete my first full marathon.

For those of you who have always thought of doing one of those 26.2 milers, you should! I strongly recommend joining a training team. The moral support you give and receive will help you cross the finish line. Then you’re in the 26.2 club for life.

After crossing the finish line of my first marathon, I thought, “oh, thank god that’s over. I am never doing that again.” It wasn’t until 8 years later in 2016 that I ran my second marathon, all because a friend of mine convinced me to attempt to overcome my own resistance. That time, I trained on my own, using the training program that seemed the most familiar from the first race.

I was going to run my third full marathon this time around, but spending money for the race fee just was not justifiable after coming back from traveling. By the time my old job re-hired me, it was too late to train, and I didn’t want to do a half-marathon originally, but… It’s better than nothing. So, I signed up.

I wish I could recall how difficult the course was. My mind was so zen, that much of it has evaded my conscious memory. Or maybe I was tired from having only 4 hours of sleep the night before. I have overheard other runners talking about the difficulty of hills and the steep switchbacks the course had. Those I vaguely remember. It didn’t feel too difficult, to be honest. Running the course felt wonderful and free.

And now there is time until the next marathon. The two main ones in this city are Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon and Amica’s Seattle Marathon. Running a marathon is not just a physical endeavor; it’s also a psychological one. I always become hesitant before signing up for a big race. But pushing through the heavy resistance as your mind retreats to the darkest corners of your psyche is how you grow. It can be very hard, yes. But I promise you that you reach an interesting place when you emerge to the other side.

Inktober and Saccharine Cupcakes

Hello, friends. I haven’t really been online as much lately. But here is something I submitted to Ghost Gallery earlier this week for their annual miniature art show. It’s called “Saccharine,” and it’s probably one of my favorite cupcakes. I’m really pleased with how the straws came out. They’re probably my favorite part.

The mini art show at Ghost Gallery is on Nov. 9, 5-9 PM. There will be hundreds of works from artists around the globe, so you know it’s definitely going to be good!

It will also be one of the last shows at that location. Ghost Gallery is the first space I showed my art in Seattle. The owner, Laurie, was one of the first people who acknowledged me when I moved here, and some time later, I interned at Ghost for a year and a half. She has been a leader and a positive force in our art community. So, when the news was shared that the owner of the whole building plans to turn the gallery space into another apartment, it broke our collective hearts. Fortunately, the gallery will relocate. For now, we are still showing our support any way we can. This includes attending the mini art show on Thursday.

For October, I did a little something called Inktober. The rules are that the drawings are done in ink once a day, using an interpretation of the given word for that day. For example, for the first day of October 2017, the word of the day was “swift,” and my interpretation of it was a hummingbird.

I hadn’t made art for over a year, and it showed. But now I was getting used to drawing again. When I first started Inktober 2017, the drawings were more wobbly. I was clearly out of practice. Now things seem to be smoothed out a little.

My weapons of choice were Prismacolor markers and Micron pens. Line drawings are something I’ve always been drawn to, but there have also been some without the black outline. Without it, the form appears to have more depth.

Some were a little difficult to do… And others had a more poignant interpretation.

There was one instance where I bent the rules a little bit. It said that the drawings needed to be done in ink, but it did not say that it should be done exclusively in ink. For the word “blind,” the portrait of a blind-folded woman was rendered with color pencil for the skin and watercolor for the hair. I still used Micron pens for the outline.

If you want to see the full set of 31 drawings, you can visit my art’s Instagram page, @iloveronnieart.

It’s safe to say that I have started making art again!

Warm Beta-Carotene Salad

Happy October!

Whenever people ask what my favorite season is, instead of fall, I say that my favorite season is October. It’s the best time of year, in my opinion. There is still enough daylight out and the weather is just turning crisp. The fiery colors of leaves and the smell move me like no other time of year.

In my previous post, I was missing the usual fall produce. It has finally arrived, and I’m so happy to be eating these delicious and nutritious squash varieties again! 

My favorite is the acorn squash. There’s also the ever-present sweet potato in with this recipe. The days haven’t been dark enough yet to bring out the sun lamp, but this colorful recipe is sure to brighten up your mental health anyway. It’s packed with beta-carotene, an antioxidant and precursor to Vitamin A. Since it is a fat-soluble antioxidant, it is best cooked with olive oil or coconut oil. The spices bring out the natural sweet flavors of the orange vegetables, yet the salt balance them out.

Warm Beta-Carotene Salad

Ingredients:

  • 1 acorn squash
  • 1 small pumpkin
  • 2 medium sweet potatoes
  • 2 large carrots
  • 2 Tbsp olive oil, divided into 1/2 Tbsp increments
  • 2 Tbsp coconut oil
  • 1 shallot
  • 3 cloves of garlic
  • 1 tsp. of salt
  • 1 tsp. of cinnamon
  • 1 tsp. of garam masala spice
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • Dried or chopped parsley
  • Pumpkin seeds for garnish

Preheat oven to 400 degrees, Fahrenheit. With a heavy chef’s knife, cut the acorn squash and pumpkin in half. Scoop the seeds out and brush the insides with olive oil. (1/2 Tbsp for each side.) Put about half an inch of water in a metal pan and place the halves of the squash and pumpkin in, with the insides facing up.

Peel sweet potatoes, wrap in aluminum foil, and put on a baking sheet with the carrots. Put all the vegetables in and bake for 45 minutes. You’ll know they’re done when you can pierce them all with a fork.

Allow to cool before moving onto the next steps.

When they are cooled enough, gently peel the squash and pumpkin skins off. Slice those and the sweet potatoes into one inch cubes. Slice the carrots into 1/4 inch coins. 

Heat the coconut oil in a large pot. Add the chopped shallot, crushed garlic, and salt until they’re caramelized. (The salt will help draw out the water.) Add the roasted vegetables and stir to coat evenly with oil. Add spices and keep stirring. Cook for 15 minutes.

In individual bowls, scoop the warm beta-carotene salad, garnishing with sprinkling parsley and pumpkin seeds on top. Done!

Sweet Potato Stir Fry

Fall is finally here! It rained the other day for the first time in god knows how long. Seattle has this reputation for rain, but it’s pretty dry in the summer. The smell of autumn rain has always imbued me. There’s something about the smell and grey that brings out these subtle yet deep moods. Even my cat friends want to snuggle up closer for warmth!

Because we are now getting less sun, I have to be extra diligent on limiting sugar intake and instead focus on eating super healthy and exercising often. The last thing I need is to exacerbate the ol’ seasonal depression like what happened in New Zealand. I also start getting into denser foods when the weather cools down. While I prefer lighter and fresher foods in the summer, once the weather starts cooling down, my body starts craving heavier produce, like root vegetables and tubers. It’s a common thing for many people.

This sweet potato dish here has carbs and protein that keep you going longer with energy. We’re still waiting for squash to arrive. Then again, fall has just started, so we will need to be a little patient. In the meantime, I do have some root vegetables and sweet potatoes that need to be used. My favorite kind of cooking is one where I can just throw ingredients together, and 99% of the time, it comes out pretty good. I do measure things out the first time I make something. The second time I make it, I adjust to taste. It’s foolproof. 

Here, you have some options. You can use black beans or chick peas. You can either mix them in or have them on the side. If you can’t stand beets (and I know some of you do), then feel free to leave them out. But kale and sweet potato are two things that just go together.

Did I mention the colors of the veggies are very pretty?

Sweet Potato Stir Fry

Ingredients: 

  • 1 sweet potato, cut into 1/2 inch cubes
  • 1 beet
  • 3 cups of chopped kale
  • 2 Tbsp of coconut oil
  • 4 cloves of garlic, minced
  • 1/2 onion, chopped
  • 1/2 tsp salt (or to taste)
  • 1 tsp rosemary
  • 1/2 tsp oregano
  • 1 can of drained chick peas or black beans

Heat oil, and then sauté onions until caramelized. Add the salt, which will help draw the water out of the onions. Add minced garlic and stir for 30 more seconds.

Add the chopped sweet potato. Cover and cook for 15 minutes, stirring every other minute. Then add the beets. Cook for 5 minutes. Then add the kale. Keep stirring until the kale breaks down enough (about 3 minutes or so), but don’t overcook it.

Add the dried herbs and keep stirring to mix them into the veggies. 

Optional: you can stir in the chick peas or whatever beans you like. Or you can have them on the side. It’s totally up to you. Enjoy!

Of Changing Seasons and Infinity Mirrors

(Translation of “Song of a Manhattan Suicide Addict”)

Swallow antidepressants and it will be gone

Tear down the gate of hallucinations

Amidst the agony of flowers, the present never ends

At the stairs to heaven, my heart expires in their tenderness

Calling from the sky, doubtless, transparent in its shade of blue

Embraced with the shadow of illusion

Cumulonimbi arise

Sounds of tears, shed upon eating the color of cotton rose

I become a stone

Not in time eternal

But in the present that transpires

It’s the first week of September, which means that fall is practically here! But first, the Pacific Northwest had another heatwave to go through before the weather starts cooling down. We hope that was the last of it.

Seattle Art Museum has a special exhibition called Infinity Mirrors, featuring the work of Yayoi Kusama. It was my third attempt to see the show. Tickets sold out the other two times, so this time I waited in line since 7:30 in the morning. Dedication, bitches.

Being immersed in infinite reflections with lights, colors, polka dots was such a magical, unforgettable experience. Each visitor is allotted 20-30 seconds for each room. Every second almost seemed like a small eternity. There was something meditative about just being present and taking in all of art. This experience was an opportunity to learn something. I noticed that when I was lost in those infinite spaces, nothing else bothered me or even crossed my mind.

Currently, the season is changing and we have a smokey haze up in Seattle, thanks to wildfires blazing through Washington and Oregon. It is raining ash, and the smoke has been irritating everyone. The sun above has an eerie red haze like it’s the apocalypse, and it’s especially rough for those who have respiratory issues.

We hope rain is coming soon, because that will hopefully dampen the fires. We’re all relieved that the weather is cooling down, at least.

Speaking of change, even after a month of coming back from traveling, it’s still sinking in. Most of the week had been spent fighting anxiety attacks and the doldrums, maybe because I’ve been running out of medication and have been going through some terrible withdrawals.

The moods were sinking in, taking me with them. Then a voice cautioned, “now, you do have a choice…”

It’s like rock climbing or bouldering. Sure, you could let go and stay falling. I’m pretty sure some people would understand. Or you could summon your strength to move on and keep resting on that.

It involves staying very present. It’s supposed to be effortless, but at the same time it is deceptively simple. It’s like a muscle that has to stay flexed. It might get tired and it might give way a little, but that’s exactly why it wants to keep building. Making it a point to stay in gratitude, instead of focusing on what’s missing.

That confidence muscle gets tired sometimes. Medication withdrawals are no joke. But I try to find ways to let go of the resistance built up inside. It’s the tightening of the grip of my mentality and at the same time keeping the soul tender. I at least still have that soft and creamy center. Always do your best, as they say.

So, when I lost myself in the Infinity Mirrors show, it was a lesson that we don’t have to look so hard to enjoy what’s around us. Like the red sun in our Pacific Northwest skies, being obscured by smoke makes it hard to shine clear and bright. Being lost in thought leads to a very cloudy lens, doesn’t it?

Maybe we don’t have to fight ourselves so hard. I noticed that builds up more resistance. Maybe we could just focus on what is going right in our lives and rest on that.

I am starting to learn that staying present really can stretch infinitely.

My Friend Alexis

This is Alexis. Alexis and I have been best friends since 2014.

Our personalities are rather different: while I tend to be on the quieter pensive end, Alexis is vivacious with sparkling energy. We are like yin and yang, water and fire, night and day. We are photo negatives of each other, of shadow and light with her manias and my depressions. Through our differences springs a truly beautiful friendship, one where I’m proud to call her my sister from another mister.

We have some of the most intimate and explicit conversations where we are not afraid to be ourselves–it is one of those kinds of friendships. Every woman needs one.

Halfway during my trip around the world, Alexis shared that she has Stage 2 breast cancer. It was already a stressful point of the journey. Never mind what I was going through; with something like cancer, how does one go about having to suddenly face their own mortality? It absolutely blew my mind. Nonetheless, her bravery, optimism, and fighting spirit have been inspiring to witness as she goes on to kick that cancer’s ass.

When I asked her how she is able to stay optimistic through the whole process, she said, “I may not be able to change the outcome, but I can certainly change my attitude.” The fact that she is always able to hold her own well is what drew me to her in the first place. The fact that she was the one comforting me proves her compassion and strong will, an inspiring attitude anyone could learn from. Of all the people I know, she can handle cancer the best.

The good news is that the prognosis looks good. The tumor has been removed, and she will be having chemo for the next six months. We had a head shaving party, and it was so lovely seeing her surrounded by all of her closest female friends. I have never seen someone so excited to shave all of hair off because of cancer. But it was still a beautiful thing.

It could always be a lot worse. Witnessing Alexis going through all of this has been heartbreaking, but the perspective through which she chooses to see serves as a reminder that we always have a choice on our own attitudes.

Never mind how traveling the world changes someone. Even though I often think about the complexities of life and death, I have never experienced having to actually face my own mortality. It’s not my say to explain how it all works here; those things are very subjective experiences. But Alexis has shared how it has changed her.

And we are doing everything we can to be there for her during this time.